At first, when you read the title, one would think "Yay this is gonna be a delight to read!" Allow me to turn you down flat... it's not. Well, sorta...kinda...
Anyway.
Hmmm April's a long way back, isn't it? So, my course FINALLY finished a couple of weeks ago, and by the end of it, I had reached the last straw... or however they say it.
Someone I know said to me about a week ago, "Hey, why not start a blog? You're into writing, surely that would be good practise!" and I was like, "Oh, I'll think about it." :D No one knows I have a blog. A blog to me is like a secret diary, the one you'd kill for if rumaged through!! Which makes me think, "What the point in having a blog, if all those reading it don't know you, and will probably not be able to feel for you... in some way"
That's so sad.... and to be honest, that's one reason that puts me off posting here at times... most of the time, per say.
I know it's nice being abroad and seeing and doing all the nice cool stuff you can't back home... but I came to realize how different people are all of a sudden... they would never understand our mentality, and nor we theirs. Back in time, I never thought about how others understood me, or how I expressed myself; and when I came back to Libya, knowing that it might be for good, I just gave it all I got and learned to adjust.
I love the sand and I miss it. I miss the sunset... there's no sunset like in Libya. The beautiful fluffy clouds in winter, the heavy rain at night... and the lights going out (lol) don't you just love running around in the dark looking for candles?)
Recently, I've had a severe rush of what I call the "7ala"... Perhaps if I put it in other words, it might be under-defined, so I'll leave you to your own interpretations.
I hate the fact that I bottle up things inside me. A Spanish colleague once told me with a flushed face (dunno if it was an embarassed or angry flush) "You're so polite!" and I was like, "Is that bad?" then he said, "You can't even say to people that they're wrong when they're wrong!"
When I told a friend of mine about the incident, she gave me one of her wise nods and said "He's right, I've noticed that you're trying your best to please others when the one you should be pleasing is yourself" here she meant I needed to give myself a break for a change. People who know me, know the quiet calm me... they don't like the me that answers back or discusses her point of view if it opposes theirs. Now isn't that mean?! I knew that the best way to work that out was to maintain the attitude and stand my ground... apparently, some people resent me now because I'm not the cute sweet lass that shies away when addressed.
That's so sad...
I should be sleeping now, but, there were nights nowadays that I had to sit upright in bed to let my tears run down easily. And I'm tired of not letting it out. I need to. Even if it meant to let it out in this cosmic void of cyber world (ok, that didn't make sense) I don't trust people, when people trust me... isn't that ironic? what horrible emptiness that is.
Why should one be condemned to others' judgments? Why is it my verbalising is not wanted, and, funny as it is, my writing is not wanted too? Member in my vast family give me blank expressions when I tell them I'm majoring in Creative Writing. You can almost hear their thoughts "Why don't you just get married and start a family instead?!" lol I dunno... maybe they're right. And maybe I'm right.
I wish there'd be a balance so that both would be equally right and easily achieved hehe. Personally, I think taking a risk in plunging into the scholastic world is quite safer than comitting to a life with a guy (no offense to men here, just meant marriage :D )But! I, with care, would like to mention that it is awkwardly unreasonable anymore to trust guys. I'm sorry again, it's just a touchy topic to me... and amazingly detains my flow of thoughts.
Shall I go to sleep now? yes. Did I say all there is to say? of course not! da! Everybody's a never ending story... poor cyber space, has to put up with all the people around the world and their mishaps and their never ending stories...OMG there I am doing again! I bet the web is flushing with rage now...
Good night
Till Next Time
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
It's amazing...
It's amazing how much one can do in one week! What's more amazing is when you're blessed with great friends that know how to hang out and make the best of a holiday.
Yesterday afternoon, we went to the movies. 17 again. It was just great fun! It's amazing how going to the movies makes me feel when it's over. I feel so heady and dazed, so absorbed by the world I've been to and that world just doesn't seem to fade away quite easily...lol
The day before, we went by train to York.It was quite interesting. Small, old and cosy, it reminded me a lot of Luzern, Switzerland. We toured the city in six hours lol well, at least the main sights there is to see. We started by visiting the Garden Museum- yeah, that's what they call it :P
Today, I went to the hairdressers, and had to get up at 8am :(( boohoo! I had to curse myself, what was I thinking agreeing to an early appointment! sniff sniff
But, as we say, whoever wants the rose bears the thorns, ay? and it was an amazing result, I must say :) and I'm happy about it.
So, not I'm stuck with an amazing headache, cos I hadn't slept well, and I couldn't go out and enjoy the 'sudden' sunny weather!
*sigh*
Till next time...
Yesterday afternoon, we went to the movies. 17 again. It was just great fun! It's amazing how going to the movies makes me feel when it's over. I feel so heady and dazed, so absorbed by the world I've been to and that world just doesn't seem to fade away quite easily...lol
The day before, we went by train to York.It was quite interesting. Small, old and cosy, it reminded me a lot of Luzern, Switzerland. We toured the city in six hours lol well, at least the main sights there is to see. We started by visiting the Garden Museum- yeah, that's what they call it :P
Today, I went to the hairdressers, and had to get up at 8am :(( boohoo! I had to curse myself, what was I thinking agreeing to an early appointment! sniff sniff
But, as we say, whoever wants the rose bears the thorns, ay? and it was an amazing result, I must say :) and I'm happy about it.
So, not I'm stuck with an amazing headache, cos I hadn't slept well, and I couldn't go out and enjoy the 'sudden' sunny weather!
*sigh*
Till next time...
Monday, April 13, 2009
Easter... Happy Easter?! #_#
Okay, with all due respect people.
Easter is one of the prettiest times and occassions throughout the year, including the sparkling wonders of christmas with its snowy white cloths. You tend to see balloons decorating the area around you: boutiques, malls, supermarkets. Colorful eggs and yummy looking chocolate of all shapes and sizes!! :)
Mental brakes!! I was rather apauled to see many muslims online sending easter greetings to each other?! Hello? Do you guys know what it's all about? I mean, yes it's lovely and all, but this is not for us to celebrate. Like those who would actually buy a christmas tree and start ornamenting it, finishing it with an angel on top! (flexing my fingers here)I know some would say, 'Hey, it's only for the fun of it!', well, I wouldn't let myself be lead on by that!! >:(
I was born in December. And in Canada, christmas is so massive you're eyes would unconsciously tear. Whenever I'm in a western country during that period, I feel some kind of longing and connection, not spiritual or anything, but that of good warm memories. When I came back to Libya, winter was not winter without snow and christmas trees in the streets and light bulbs everywhere. My heart ached whenever I saw such things on tv, and I secretly thank Allah that I'm not obsessed with it beyond my beliefs.
Today, as it was sunny early in the afternoon- with the prediction of fog later on- I took the chance of slipping downtown and treated myself to an easter chocolate bunny :) Lindt (swiss...so I won't feel lonely :P) with a tiny bell tied to its neck, and instead of ordering a hot chocolate with it, I had chamomile! lol ..I know, I do the oddest of things at times.
Till next time :)
Easter is one of the prettiest times and occassions throughout the year, including the sparkling wonders of christmas with its snowy white cloths. You tend to see balloons decorating the area around you: boutiques, malls, supermarkets. Colorful eggs and yummy looking chocolate of all shapes and sizes!! :)
Mental brakes!! I was rather apauled to see many muslims online sending easter greetings to each other?! Hello? Do you guys know what it's all about? I mean, yes it's lovely and all, but this is not for us to celebrate. Like those who would actually buy a christmas tree and start ornamenting it, finishing it with an angel on top! (flexing my fingers here)I know some would say, 'Hey, it's only for the fun of it!', well, I wouldn't let myself be lead on by that!! >:(
I was born in December. And in Canada, christmas is so massive you're eyes would unconsciously tear. Whenever I'm in a western country during that period, I feel some kind of longing and connection, not spiritual or anything, but that of good warm memories. When I came back to Libya, winter was not winter without snow and christmas trees in the streets and light bulbs everywhere. My heart ached whenever I saw such things on tv, and I secretly thank Allah that I'm not obsessed with it beyond my beliefs.
Today, as it was sunny early in the afternoon- with the prediction of fog later on- I took the chance of slipping downtown and treated myself to an easter chocolate bunny :) Lindt (swiss...so I won't feel lonely :P) with a tiny bell tied to its neck, and instead of ordering a hot chocolate with it, I had chamomile! lol ..I know, I do the oddest of things at times.
Till next time :)
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Bolton Abbey/ Leeds... Sunday April 5th
Wow..it was a great day! I never thought I'd get the opertunity to see such places. I was amazingly reminded of 'Sense and Sensibility'...you know, Jane Austen? lol jk
Well, here are some of the spectacular views I got with 'me' cam ;P
I hope you liked them...sorry they're too many of em... I still got more AARRGGHH lol
Till next time :)
Well, here are some of the spectacular views I got with 'me' cam ;P
I hope you liked them...sorry they're too many of em... I still got more AARRGGHH lol
Till next time :)
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Beautiful Day...at last!
Today I woke up with the sun in my face...well, not literally. Today we changed our time here in the UK to an hour ahead. Anyway, I went out walking and got some pics. And the greatest thing was that I discovered that there was a river right close to my apartment!! neato :) Here are some of the pics.
These guys sure gave a bounce to our steps downtown :)
Oh dear... this is my first time to post pics around here...I don't think it came out the way I wanted it lol... ah well...enjoy :)
These guys sure gave a bounce to our steps downtown :)
Oh dear... this is my first time to post pics around here...I don't think it came out the way I wanted it lol... ah well...enjoy :)
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Long Ago...
Back!
Yuck! I hate it when I'm away for some time and have been through a lot, and the moment I wanna share stuff...I don't know where to start?!
Ok, here's how it goes. Seeing that I'm gonna be part of the creative writing realm, then I'll start it out as a free writing piece (to actually start writing whatever comes to mind without stopping for proof-read) so help me God lol.
(consulting the calendar)...
Right... March 9th, was a Monday.
Days before that, I had made up my mind to join a creative writing group in town. Did my search and came across one that appealed to me in terms of time and place (Borders Bookshop). It said on the website that the meeting was to be held at 6:30 pm at the basement. I got there, like, 5 minutes before, hoping to be punctual and stuff. I asked where the group met and headed towards their corner. Gulp!. As I approached the table, I found about 10 people were already there and they were discussing something. Ok so they came a bit early I figured. I squeezed in and was gladly welcomed with smiles all around and one of them shifted sideways to allow me space to sit. Thank you very much.
I was there just to listen and hadn't brought anything to read out. Yes, they read out their writings while the others listened and followed from copies. I was taking mental notes all along. 1. They read out loud (and fast! in Yorkshire accent! AARGH) lol 2. They brought their own copies and handouts, 3. You can simply a listener if you choose or give you critique about a writing, and 4. The meeting started at 6:00 pm lol ...the website, not me :S
When it was over, we parted on the prospect of meeting same place same "time" in two weeks. Surely I was determined to come back, along with one of my prescious masterpieces (hehe) don't mind me, creative, remember?
Next meeting, March 23rd (Yesterday)
So,after school, I didn't go home and had dinner out (I finish school at 4pm so I can't go and come back in two hours' time)Ok. 5:50 pm and I was at the table with a couple of others awaiting the noble knights of the round table (there it is again).
Two read before me. I was really taking my time, not wanting to be the first so as to not give a sloppy start for the evening lol had my writing not been good enough (smirk--jk)
'The time has come, my pungent friend, to read out your piece,' said a voice at the back of my head. I sat up, glad that I didn't jump, and distributed my copies around the table ("The Table" is more like it ;;) ) And I read.
To my surprise, when I finished reading and looked around, they all burst out talking at the same time! lol You can't imagine how glad I was about that. So, as they organised themselves as to who would speak first, almost all of them expressed how impressive my story was, let alone the way I presented it (If you guys are interested, perhaps you'd like me to post it for you?)One lady said that she loved my accent! I had to swallow my tongue and not mention the incident--the one I wrote about in one of my previous posts here (Can you be an American in the UK? in other words, can Americans be Americans?)--and accepted the compliment.
To be frank, I sensed that there was some kind of prejudice going at first when I pointed out that I had something to present. It was there in their eyes...I dunno, probably they were thinking, 'Ok, does she know what she's doing?'and 'Could she have anything worthwhile?'. Maybe it was just in my head, and that I had jumped to conclusions to how receptive they would be of me in the group.
Well, in the end, I was pretty pleased with myself. Having done what I had done. And proud to have, seeing that there's been this kinda "stigma" about muslim women (in addition to my being wearing Hijjab)and how they don't have a mind of their own (was that well put?). It probably is (was and will be) a personal crusade I'm willing to maintain to change that misconception...so help me God :)
Till next time,
Yuck! I hate it when I'm away for some time and have been through a lot, and the moment I wanna share stuff...I don't know where to start?!
Ok, here's how it goes. Seeing that I'm gonna be part of the creative writing realm, then I'll start it out as a free writing piece (to actually start writing whatever comes to mind without stopping for proof-read) so help me God lol.
(consulting the calendar)...
Right... March 9th, was a Monday.
Days before that, I had made up my mind to join a creative writing group in town. Did my search and came across one that appealed to me in terms of time and place (Borders Bookshop). It said on the website that the meeting was to be held at 6:30 pm at the basement. I got there, like, 5 minutes before, hoping to be punctual and stuff. I asked where the group met and headed towards their corner. Gulp!. As I approached the table, I found about 10 people were already there and they were discussing something. Ok so they came a bit early I figured. I squeezed in and was gladly welcomed with smiles all around and one of them shifted sideways to allow me space to sit. Thank you very much.
I was there just to listen and hadn't brought anything to read out. Yes, they read out their writings while the others listened and followed from copies. I was taking mental notes all along. 1. They read out loud (and fast! in Yorkshire accent! AARGH) lol 2. They brought their own copies and handouts, 3. You can simply a listener if you choose or give you critique about a writing, and 4. The meeting started at 6:00 pm lol ...the website, not me :S
When it was over, we parted on the prospect of meeting same place same "time" in two weeks. Surely I was determined to come back, along with one of my prescious masterpieces (hehe) don't mind me, creative, remember?
Next meeting, March 23rd (Yesterday)
So,after school, I didn't go home and had dinner out (I finish school at 4pm so I can't go and come back in two hours' time)Ok. 5:50 pm and I was at the table with a couple of others awaiting the noble knights of the round table (there it is again).
Two read before me. I was really taking my time, not wanting to be the first so as to not give a sloppy start for the evening lol had my writing not been good enough (smirk--jk)
'The time has come, my pungent friend, to read out your piece,' said a voice at the back of my head. I sat up, glad that I didn't jump, and distributed my copies around the table ("The Table" is more like it ;;) ) And I read.
To my surprise, when I finished reading and looked around, they all burst out talking at the same time! lol You can't imagine how glad I was about that. So, as they organised themselves as to who would speak first, almost all of them expressed how impressive my story was, let alone the way I presented it (If you guys are interested, perhaps you'd like me to post it for you?)One lady said that she loved my accent! I had to swallow my tongue and not mention the incident--the one I wrote about in one of my previous posts here (Can you be an American in the UK? in other words, can Americans be Americans?)--and accepted the compliment.
To be frank, I sensed that there was some kind of prejudice going at first when I pointed out that I had something to present. It was there in their eyes...I dunno, probably they were thinking, 'Ok, does she know what she's doing?'and 'Could she have anything worthwhile?'. Maybe it was just in my head, and that I had jumped to conclusions to how receptive they would be of me in the group.
Well, in the end, I was pretty pleased with myself. Having done what I had done. And proud to have, seeing that there's been this kinda "stigma" about muslim women (in addition to my being wearing Hijjab)and how they don't have a mind of their own (was that well put?). It probably is (was and will be) a personal crusade I'm willing to maintain to change that misconception...so help me God :)
Till next time,
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