The Quest To Know ...

I've come to a realization that the best way for me to deal with this...him! is by giving him a taste of his own medicine. How? The "I'm Busy" technique... which I basically am as of recent -__-

I haven't appeared online to him since Friday, and I plan to seize fire till later this week.

This might not be the best approach, but I figured that I got nothing to lose in the end. I am my own self once again and I'm thankfull. Nothing would take that away from me again, at least not with my trying hard.

Will keep you tuned in if you do :)

Till next time


Sparkle xxx

When I Know Myself...

...and I'm truly positive of what I want in life.... something which I've been aqcuainted with pretty recently in my life, nothing can cast my sails in a different direction. It's just the path that I've chosen. The decided one. And the one that's final.

I'm talking about love.


When I was a teenager I had a crush on this guy at school. I think I liked him cos he was the only good looking one... in comparison with the others, per se.

It was a small school and I guess that says it all.

And that was my first love... or perhaps that's what I believed.

When you grow older and see things in life, you start looking at it from a different perspective... and I'm here to... to just spill things out rather than just bottle them up. To the new comers who've tuned into my channel, I ain't a vocal type of person, and writing is my biggest relief in the world...so, Thank God for that.

I came across a guy online... and I thought I was ready for it. No, I knew I was ready for it! And I got myself head over heels in a distance relationship.

It was perfect.

And that's what I dearly didn't know for sure about... back then.

Long story short, it had a tragic ending and I had to pull the plug to save myself some respect and dignity.

The gap that followed was almost a year and a half and neither of us knew anything about the other. I had deleted him from my life, and my messenger contact list.

Apparently, he didn't.

It was only a few days ago that he popped out in front of me -not physically- and started asking whether I had a place in me for him.

My answer was strictly no.

I had done my thinking... I had found closure... I have found peace with myself and the life that I'm leading so far... therefore, I said no.

You know, when a guy is simply clueless in life, or in dealing with other people, then he's a straight A loser.

Yes, there are people who find it hard socializing with others and I'm fully aware of that case... but the case in hand here, is that he just never worked on it.

I had given him a second chance before, but another one would be utterly ridiculous!

To be cont...

When A New Day Taps You On The Shoulder

Hello again...

Wouldn't it be nice if all you got your friends to read your blog... for the sake of getting feedback... a reflection.... an echo... a reaction... so that you know you're not talking to the wall...

Okay...what was that?!


Like, if my friends read mine, I'd be burying my face like an ostrich >///< lol

Anyway - -"

So, I'm proud to say that I've passed my first semester modules..yeehhaaaa! Go Sparkle get busy!! get busy! :D

Brakers!

There's still loads to work on this semester and it sure ain't over yet. o_O
I'm glad that my individual project is going well... Can you believe it? I'm working with Adam as my supervisor!! @_@ what are the odds? and what's more... my working title is "Adam's Apple"

ROFL

But to be honest, he's been great so far... which made me conclude that he's great as a personal tutor, not as a lecturer *yak yak*

It's a 4000 words' short story. A romance comedy based in present day Libya. Isn't that exciting? ^_^

The weather these days is not bad... sure it's raining, but that fine with me :) and it's the easter holidays... so yaay!!

Excuse me if I'm making no sense... I guess it's just a simple warm up to get me blabbering once again.

I know... I haven't said anything about Comedislam. It was a blast! I loved it big time :) I think the hall was full booked and there were people standing! It was good for a change, really, and I made some new friends ^_^

Last week I had two presentations, the first was in small groups to discuss my research project plan... (like that makes sense 9_9) the other was a poster presentation... yeah, I know... one of my colleagues was like: "How the Hell am I gonna get that done?"
And I was like: "James, think 6th grade!"

ROFL

And that's how it was. We all got ridiculously creative with our lousy posters... good thing we weren't assessed for that -__-" *phew*


What else?? what else??

Ooooooh! My friend Julia gave birth to a baby girl!! woohoo!! she over a month old now... and she ain't got no name yet !! lol

My sister in Libya called her "Button" when she saw her pics... and that's what we're calling her temporarily hhhhhhhh :P

What else?? what else??

Yes! My friend in Switzerland is coming to visit woohoo! She's coming via train B-D lucky her... but lucky me too ^_^ I get to see her! heehee sadly she'll only be staying for 3 days....3 DAYS!!

And I haven't seen her for like 10 YEARS!! *sniff sniff*

Ok, I cheated and saw her on webcam >////<


This is it... sorry for being silly today... I don't know what got into me... I'm hyper and typing like a maniac!! * GRRR*

So, this is from me...

Till next time!


Sparkle xxx

One fine day...

Hello all!!

I am happy to say that, at this very minute, despite how I might feel in the very following minute, I am pleased and happy... Alhamdulillah... why? Well, basically, for no good reason... no reason at all ^_^

It's Islamic Week here at Uni, and the Uni's Islamic Society have built a tent right in front of the library for their Islamic exhibition :)

I've been there yesterday and today. Yesterday to have a look... today, to buy a ticket for tonight's show "Comedislam" It's supposed to be funny and easy going, so I thought I might give it a go. There are a lot of nice Muslim girls whom I've met previously at The Green Room (where we pray and relax) ... You can't imagine how lovely it is whenever we meet on campus... smiles, salams and hugs... just beautiful!!

Yesterday, I had my first tutorial with my Individual Project supervisor...guess who?




Yeah...




Adam -__-

But it wasn't bad... it went well and smoothly. Gladly, he was interested in my proposal... so there's my cue... to start with the writing.

It's a short story. And you know what's ironic about it? It's called "Adam's Apple"

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I wonder if he's pleased about that???


Well, I gotta run now, the show starts in two hours. Will be back Inshallah to tell you about it :D So stayed tuned ^_^y


Till then


Sparkle xxx

Finding Motivation...

The question is: where do you find your motivation? Or how does it come to you? Do you feel it? Have you noticed a specific time to it?

Oddly enough, I get my inspiration at the weirdest of time, and most certainly the most inconvenient... when I go to sleep!!

-__-" Yeah...

And how am I supposed to get up and jot down my ideas in the middle of the night?!! Last night, I decided to buy those pens that have a tiny lamp (light?) attached to them so you can write in the dark. I wonder where they sell them here? and will it really solve my problem. Now the thing is, I can always reach for my Cell phone and insert my brilliance on its note pad... am I that lazy?

OMG...I've got the English bug!! (danger music in BG)

Well, they are lazy people, and I've noticed that on more than one occassion... *sigh*

Don't wanna dwell into that...

I'm at Uni now... near the café, and there's this girl having lunch (slurping her soup) interesting...

So anyway... back to motivation... *slap slap*

Another thing I've noticed is that I get a whole load of motivation from movies. My sister told me about one of her colleagues who keeps telling them that if you're stressed, go watch a movie...

Okay, what if it's in the middle of the night? How cool would that be if I went to the cinema... *ghost booing, wind whistling, wolf howling*

*slap slap slap*

I was supposed to be here to get inspired and start writing... aparently I'm not... but I guess it's fine, because, as opposed to my sister's colleague, I get to vent out my stress into writing a whole lot of Himmagajib (nonesense).

So, when I watch a deeply stimulating movie (which usually happens to be late at night... i.e. before midnight :D ) and I'm so driven I can fly to the moon... but it's late at night... and I'm hyper... and I'll get tired soon... and wake up with a headache in the morning.

Dear readers, I am positive you'll go away feeling motivated after you read this... lol

In order to write in an agreeable manner, whatever the genre, you need to read as much as you can in order to achieve that... but there isn't time. Or is there?

Hmmm... time management.

Yes. Facebook, Youtube, Messenger...etc. How can you possibly manage your time when you're already addicted to this stuff?

*sigh*


There was a time, when I had to force myself into shutting down my laptop. Of course, I'd find myself staring at the ceiling... or trying so hard to figure out what to do- away from cyber space!!

I got books stacked, DVDs... files and paper work *looks away quickly* Grrrrr!

Priority check ASAP!!

Somewhere within the next couple of weeks I'll meeting with a deligated supervisor (whom I don't know till now) to start discussing my final research project, you know, the one I told you about once?

And bum-er... -__-" we have to make a presentation of our project idea to the others... as in, in front of everyone in the class. It's not that I can't do it... it's just that... I dunno, when you're not really familiar with your audience, and...
Okay to tell the truth, they just don't seem to "seem" interested in ohter people's work. Which is odd, cos this is the whole idea of doing it together... as in, to give final feedback and so on. But they just don't.

Even if they do, you feel like it's more of an empty praise. The worst part is when you feel like your work is not good enough to begin with... Sheesh!!

I think I goota go now... and do something worthwhile- for my studies :D- so no offense.


Till next time


;)

When You Need Something...

...except you're not quite sure what it is... can lead you to a harsh state of mind.

So, you've grown up, all the foolishness cast aside, maturity easing its way into your life... and you find yourself saying: "This is is! This is the time of my life when I can solve everything on my own, and nothing should worry me."

Yes. As a grown up, you do get priveliges that many youngsters do not possess... and mainly it's the fact that you get to decide for your own...

Does everything depend on your final decision? Is that what pushes our lives forward?

I don't know if I'm making any sense so far... I have nothing in mind to talk about... but I'll just ramble on and see where I get to... as usual.

***************

Ever listened to a song lately... and started crying... just like that?

It's been happening to me now for like, the past two years...and by songs I mean the sad, slow romantic ones.

I've come to realize that this would happen to you mainly because you miss someone... even if that someone hurt you... you just miss him.

Once you've been together almost all the time, and once you were used to him being in your life... yeah, it's true when they say love hurts.

You're never careful enough, and you're never the wiser... it just hits you. And it's hit me once upon a time for real three years ago... throwing me off my feet to the highest clouds, and I thought- actually I didn't- I'd never find the ground. I just wanted to be up there. To stay there.

I didn't see the ground... it was all white and fluffy I barely saw my feet.

Till I suddenly collided with the harsh reality of earth... life.
It had barely been a year.

And when you're hurt... that's when you know what a fool you've been. Stupid. At this time of age... how could you allow this to happen to you? How could you let someone hurt you? How could you give them access to doing that?!!

But you realize that these things happen.. no matter how careful and precautious you've been... c'est la vie, n'est pas?

I can't forget...although I'm out of love... I just can't.

You know when you've given your all to something? That's how it was... and it was aparently undeserving...

I hate the fact that I feel alone, and I'm trying my best to fill my life with people who care about me.. busy myself. But I found out that I was trying hard that it's making me tired.

As I said before... there's nothing wrong in allowing yourself to be sad from time to time... you can get over something without letting go of it ... in it's own timing. Sometimes you just can't force things to vanish from your life...

............



It's horrible to walk around with all the people passing you by... no connection ... no warmth... no nothing. And I think of those who've been living like this for ages; no family, no friends, no containment whatsoever... how cold that is.

Words are my only strength... and by that I mean the written form. I've had a difficult holiday, during which I've prayed for patience for like, a hundred times per day, everyday.


And it continues... and I pray...





Till next time

When I Was Obsessed...

An obsession...






We've all got one, don't we?

But that's not the main theme of my post. I just wanted to point out my most recent obsessions... which I hope isn't that bad a one >////<

Check out this video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3ZWc3pARpY


Isn't it great listening to all those legends and think, "Where'd the world go wrong?" No one's interested in making such elegant stuff anymore... nobody's actually interested in tuning in to them ... anymore.

So, my obsession is Dean Martin and Frankie... well I've been obsessed with the latter for quite some time now, which makes Dean a new. ^_^

************

O'right! For my latest!





Umm





You really wanna know? @_@



Well, I haven't been up to much activity ....at least not study wise. Christmas holiday started last week and I wanted to take this week off from even looking at my books and drafts... so there you go. Your brief in. But I can't seem to take a vacation from my whirling mind... that is, if anyone can do that *wary laugh*

I'll talk about my miserable life with my flat mate later, so as to not bore you with it from the start here, and perhaps you'd want to consider skipping that part once you get to it.

So, anyway, about a month ago, Gary (my research tutor) asked us to prepare our final research proposal package (they like using fancy words, don't they? makes you feel like you're sending something by post.

I got this idea for a full length movie script. It's a Romance, Comedy- Drama, about a Muslim girl living in the west (thinking Canada, but might change it to USA)with her family, who are truly traditional and want her settled as she heads for her mids twenties. Now the conflict here is when she falls in love with a non-Muslim. Her parents don't know about this, and keep arranging a matchmaking scheme with a guy from her religion and country (I'm thinking Lebanon- Don't get me wrong, there's no specific reason, I just wanted to vary my work. I already worked on pieces that took place in Libya and Egypt, so I guess this would be reasonable)I have the plot sorted out, but I still need more tension and conflict. Seeing that it's a cross-cultural relationship the girl has, Gary needs me to show the western guy in a positive way... and I was like, "Right, not what I had in mind". My thoughts.

It's funny how people in the west keep having these miscinceptions about the way we live (easterns: specifically Muslims) There are stuff that don't apply to us for Goodness sake!!

Pfffff


I'll let you in on this soon, once I start redrafting and arranging my ideas.

***********

Okay, for the juicy part, you've all been waiting for!! XD


Come on! You reached this point you gotta finish to the end!!!

XP

So, I told you that my Mom called last week, and she was like, I need you to be strong and patient and all that... but that's just hard. You know how I allow myself to be sad and seek closure from depression by moping on things for a while? Well, I guess the same applies to dealing with my flatmate!!

T_T Like I could cry for-ev-er!!

It's just annoying the Hell outta me... and by "it" I mean everything!!
How would you feel if you keep finding laundry on the floor when it should be in the laundry bag? How would you feel if whatever needs to be recycled you keep finding them in the garbage bag, and not in their own division?

Can you possibly teach someone all over? Someone who's pushing thirty, that is.

Isn't that tragic? Not just for them, but also for those around them who have to put up with all the nonsense...


Sheesh!! I'm soooo tired and I really need to clear my head... for the sake of my studies. *sniff sniff*

If there's any advice you'd like to throw in to me, do it with your eyes closed...

P.S: Don't tell me to be patient cos I already got that on my list Q__Q *sniff sniff*

Yeah, that's my life you see.


*sigh*

Ooooh!! It's been snowing around here!! Goody Goody (still influenced by Frankie here) But it's not that much, but enough to add joy to my heart... and brightness to this gloomy land.

Sub7an Allah.... I just don't know how these people do it! Living here...


Well, now... I'll just keep listening to Mozart for now... and I'll BRB.

With a smile :) ..... hopefully -__-"




Till next time


Sparkle xxx