Charity Dinner For Libya - London/ April 23rd

Hello again,

To all of you who haven't been tuning in to my other blog Visions of A Libyan, this is a reminder that there'll be a fundraising dinner in London on the 23rd of this month.

Click on the image above to enlarge, and for more details and info please visit: http://wmclibya.org/

If you think you can't make it or donate, please help us by sharing with as many people you can :)

God bless !

Till next time,


Sparkle xxx

Heads Up!

Hi guys,

Totally, utterly busy these days online. I'm constantly jumping from window to another, facebooking, tweeting and freaking out! The phone's got a hand in all this as well -___- Ya know, calls from friends checking in on me, me checking in on family back home, and so on.

There's still no word from my fam but I'm staying positive, though their city has been under constant attack for weeks now.

So, in the midst of all this, I've decided to open up my blogging experience with those whom I know in real life and close friends. You're invited too my dear loyal followers :)

Visions of A Libyan will be about my thoughts during these hard times, and will continue on inshallah hopefully to witness a new and better Libya. So, you'll be led along throughout the process of discovering the drastic changes that we Libyans hope our country to undergo.

Much love from me now, gotta go back to tweeting and fbeeing (lol)

Keep praying for us,

Till next time

Sparkle xxx

S.O.S. Libya!!

Hello again,

Just a heads up to what's being done here in the UK for the aid of Libyans in distress in Libya. Next Sunday the 27th of March there'll be a 10km run to raise £10,000 to purchase a ventilator for a hospital in Libya.

The venue is Newham, London... if you can't be there, then please reach out with a donation.

Remember, Allah assists a person who assists his brother :)

كان الله في عون العبد ماكان العبد في عون أخيه

Much love, follow the link: Just Giving

Till next time,

In Times Like These

Yes. In times like these, words seem to lose their way to my mind.

It's been a month since the revolution in Libya took place and it's still going. There's no stopping to a Libyan who wants freedom. Since it was sparked, it's gotta find its way till the end. And there will be an end.

A happy one.

I've lost contact with my family and friends in Libya. It's been five days since I last heard from my family in Misurata... the phones are dead. No internet connection: the only means I was able to check on my friends in Tripoli.

I'm scared for everyone there. 

My aunt in Sirt keeps us informed about my family now (internal calls are possible at times). Still, it's not the same as hearing their voices and knowing for sure they're OK. Even though they might be physically all right, it's the mental part I'm worried about. I mean, seeing the bombings on TV shatters me to pieces, so what with them being a mile away from the locations being targeted.

It's surreal. Seeing the streets where I used to peacefully drive to work or to the shops...

Makes my mind go blank.

This is definitely my worst nightmare.

The only thing I can do best at the moment is pray for their safety and to all those brave fighters who have nothing to lose but to go back to what they've been suffering from. And there's no turning back.

Till next time,

I <3 Libya

Sparkle

Ten Days and Counting...

"We do not surrender. We either win, or die."

Omar Mukhtar (1862 - 1931)

Dear beloved world,

The conflict of fellow Libyans has entered its tenth day. How do you feel?

Don't act sympathetic and return that question to me!

You know exactly how I feel. How we all feel.

My mind is now overcrowded with 'What if's?' and 'When will's?' ... 

Believing that it's wrong to say that it's all too much. There's gotta be someone who can bear it all. Why not that someone be me? You? Everyone?!

At first it was a matter of 'OMG is my family Ok?' but then, it moved on to an even bigger issue. A matter of greater magnitude: Worrying about every single Libyan in the country.

Every time I hear about someone (let's be honest, many!) dead, I somehow die with them. You know the feeling when your blood freezes in its route? There you go. And I get that on a daily basis, for the last ten days.

It's an astounding cause we're looking at here. I've been receiving love and support from everywhere, something which has given me strength. I've also been in contact with my fellow Libyan friends here, giving each other strength and comfort.

We've been arranging stuff in support for our loved ones in Libya, such as fasting and Qiyam at night. There's also a medical relief campaign which I hope you, my dear reader, would be kind enough to pass on.

Libya would be eternally grateful.

For more info on how to make your contribution (ASAP) visit the campaign's website:

World Medical Camp Libya

And if you're interested in more info and updates on what's going on back home, you're more than welcome to follow up on twitter:

@hanayat82

Love and hope for Libya's liberty soon

Sparkle xxx

My Heart Bleeds For You...

It torments the heart, to see my beloved country struggling.

My country? It's not just Libya. It's the Arab world...

I'm an Arab and I'm loving it. Ever have been, ever was.

With regards to recent events, which have kicked off the year 2011, the world has were in for some hard core suspense, starring none other than the people themselves. The proud citizens of the arab nation.

When it all started in Tunisia, it was all like some kind of blurry dream, that I needed a long while to comprehend. Then there was the Egyptian riots. That's when it all rang loud and clear to me. 

We have a voice. And we can make a difference.

My heart bleeds for Libya. Severely.

There was this guy on TV who started complaining and accusing Libyans abroad that they have no idea what's going on in our dear country. 

Well, listen here Mister! 

I can't sleep at night... because I have a family to worry about back home... and we're far apart. And it freaks me to pieces whenever there's no phone signal wherever they are... or when the internet connection goes poor.

No matter how long we're away... we're all coming back. Our hearts bring us back.

May Allah protect you... Libya... Arab world...

And protect our loved ones.... and those whom we don't know...

Ameen

Till next time,

Sparkle

Finding Your Balance

Yes. Life has its ups and downs. And once we get to realize that, we keep getting notifications of that over and over again. We try to remember how life was a peaceful journey that's all play and laugh... but we just can't. Wanna try for a bit?

You can't.

Okay you can. But, remember the notifications? You can never rest and savour those moments once they come ringing your bell, huh?

*sigh*

Why am I saying this? Well, it's been a stressful first week of 2011 </////< but ah well. I'm kinda worried, anticipating something, and am praying constantly for things to go right... so help me God.

I've seen about three movies today that left me thinking... each main character had a goal to pursue in life, consequently achieving them, yet through a series of ups and downs. Mishaps, hurdles, barb wires... and what not.

There's no balance in life unless we understand to live with the road bumps that come in our way. You don't fight fire with fire. You don't act stupid when somebody's dying. There should be no complaints of putting up with someone who doesn't live with you for at least a couple of hours... the list goes on, dear readers.

Reaching the state of inner peace is such an amazing race. It was to me. And I'm still working on it.

If you really want people to like you, why not like them first? per se...

You know the saying: You can't give what you don't get?

Well, maybe that's wrong. I think it is. At least for most cases, it is, and with that I refer back to inner peace.

How do I find mine?

I basically prayed for it, and keep on doing so. I don't precisely say, "Allah, grant me inner peace." No. When you pray for your well-being, you're praying for inner peace. When you ask Allah for guidance, that's how you end up feeling good about yourself as a result of finding your way.

Why do we keep on worrying when we know that The King of Kings is always with us? Why do we feel insecure when He's always there for us?

I have faith in Allah's power over things, and His assistance and guidance... it's just, I can't get myself to stop worrying. It's not normal, when you say you're confident that Allah would put you through. I need to lower the level of my nervous system ^/////^ because it's just getting silly.

So, I have yet another thing to pray for...hope for...

A friend of mine on facebook asked through her status: Have you ever made du'aa to Allah and he has granted it for you? What is it?

To me, it was kinda absurd.... I replied: لا أحصي ثناء عليه

i.e. I can never count the blessings He's bestowed upon, Most Gracious, AlMighty...


I love Allah... and I love His prophet Muhammad peace be upon him...

We don't need yoga to find our inner strength, do we? It's a force that's intangible...

And I'm glad...


Keep your inner peace and strength if you've established one guys ^_^

Till next time,

Sparkle

A New Beginning...

Hi y' all!

To begin with, this post won't be that long. At least not long enough till I've made my main point ^,^ heehee

I've mentioned previously that I'm in for a better year inshallah.. pretty optimistic about it, I must say :)

So here's to the new year! I'm in for a fresh start. New technique in living. New mentality to go with it. New everything inshallah...

If I had the chance to go back home before my time in the UK is up, I'll make sure I go as a different person than I came like. (make sense??) To the better of course!!

I'll let you in as soon as I sense the change has made its effect upon my life. Pray for me guys :)

As I'll pray for you :->

Take care and have a good one ;)

Till next time,

Sparkle xxx

That Time Again ^_^ /

Dear All,




I trust you've been well?


I have. And haven't at the same time. You know complicated me.


And it's very often truly...complicated :)


Yeah, highlight to the " :) "




I know I shoulda told you guys looooads of stuff but... I'm only human >/////< 








Waaaaaaa!!






So, in order to keep my life in check (you do realize the difference when you record stuff down in any form, be it diary, blog...etc) I went through Dec 2009. I know I didn't do a resolution back then... but I had one in mind. I mentioned most of my intentions throughout my entries that followed.




I decided since it's a little overdo that I might talk a bit about the major events of 2010 for me :)




Here goes!! \(^,^)/




*Will try and keep it in chronological order* (heehee)


1- 2010 started off with my being head-over-heels and way deep into my studies (first semester) I was struggling to establish myself among my peers... not knowing how I'd ever measure up to their writing abilities and experience. I felt really lonely :(




2- I think when I received the results of my first semester that's the time I figured out where I was standing... that was the spring board that allowed me to form and plan my following steps into the course (MA course).




3- I made good friends from my group (awkward enough... yes, some of which were English!!)




4- Spring/ Summer found me digging way deep into my research project... something I'll be forever proud of ^_^ All thanks due to Allah Almighty...




5- Major disappointment: Wanted to go back home (Libya) for the summer.... needed a breather really badly!! Did not go as planned.... and I never went. Major payback: I got to work extra time on my project. So there you go XP




6- It's been a long time since I last studied during Ramadan (last time was...in... 2002 I think? When I was in second year at college ^_^) And Ramadan was really hard this year... hot long hours... Inshallah we'll be rewarded greatly ya rab.




7- I've been thinking seriously of getting married ASA I am through with my MA ^_^"




8- I had my haircut so short just like last time back in, like, 1992? :) woohoo!!




9- I felt so free-spirited, and tried out a lot of things I've always wanted to try out... I now know for sure that I'm way stronger than ever.... and I'm a survivor.




10- I've been yet again through another breakthrough in matters of the heart... and I'm glad.




11- I graduated and received my certificate... my main mission here in the UK finally accomplished :)




I think December was the most month in which I cried.... Life's hard, no matter how "strong" I think I am... but as I like to say: I allow myself the space to grieve... just in fear I might suffer from side-effects on the long run (God forbid).






Will be back with more inshallah






Here's wishing you a happy new year... I'm optimistic!! So feel the same ^_^






Till next time










Sparkle

We're Gonna Party... It's Yo Birthday...!! ^,^ /

Yup

It's my birthday today ^_^

The sun is shining.... 

Trying to stay positive for the next 24 hours or so XP

Big Smiiiiile :D

And there you go!

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PS?

I'm 28 this year ^/////^

Will share birthday pics soon

Till Next Time

Birthday Girl:

Sparkle xxx

Where Do We Go From Here...?

Decisions, decisions... what to do? where to go? how to dress? and what not!!

A break, please?

Of course not! Like you get to some point in life where things are on Tempo and you wanna relax? << that's basically my inner voice -__-

Me: Like, yeah! I wanna a break to rest and ... ugh! Why isn't it summer now?? Why does my course have to end by the beginning of winterrrrrr!!??

T_T

Puff...

Now that I've finished, the only reason for me to stay here is that I get a hole in the head!! But no, there's not... there's the fact that I gotta start working on getting my PhD grant |:(

Yes!! I would love to!! And thinking about has been keeping me awake for the last few days... You know, the excitement of embarking on some kind of adventure? That's how I feel inside! Regardless of all the hard worrrrrk that's ahead of me -___-" Yet! I haven't felt this way about my Masters... eh?

Maybe.... Just maybe, because I might not do it here in the UK?

No offense to all who's here already... but... I just didn't find myself on these grounds :~( Even if I had... I'm willing to go in search for the different, the new.

So, now, I'm sorta called "LandSeek" lol Just like my fellow friend SoulSeek (check out his page, you'll like it ^_^.... FYI, he hasn't paid me to do this -__-) heehee

My friend Shorty's heading for the States inshallah for her undergraduate level... and as I mentioned before... seems like all that I know is going there :-S ... so why not I? heehee

Now there's the question of, how different is it gonna be from here? Um, the only one I can think of is that of accent XP remember my post about accents? Ugh, that was a nightmare!

I've somehow mastered the taking care of myself part, and knowing how to get myself around a foreign country on my own quite easily, so Inshallah that wouldn't be such a biggy... I hope. If I could just get my mother not to worry about it (yes, from now on!) >_<

Ah well... Those are mere thoughts of a matter that's yet uncertain and in the hands of God.

Today was really cold (Not that I left... yet??) It snowed a teeny bit, and now it''s sunny. We haven't had sun for this long for quite some time :) Good to be back XD


My main focus these days?


To try and read as much as I can... get my hands on.


So there you go. Now I'm reading Ahdaf Soueif's "The Map of Love" :)

So far so good, I guess.



Till next time,



Sparkle xxx

Off The Hook

And yet another day has come...

It's almost 9:30am here... and I'm awake!!

I couldn't go to sleep after Fajir prayers, which was about three hours ago.

There's so much going on (mostly in my head), not that interesting stuff, but it sure is making me tired...

I sometimes think, why can't I just talk about things here? Since I'm already anonymous to the majority in blog-sphere...

Dunno...

Perhaps it's cos of the fear that I'd regret and feel bad about myself blabbering about private issues? Or perhaps I'm scared I'd get busted?

But then again, like it's nothing uber confidential... it's just... well it is to me, okay.

Why am I saying this?

Okay.

Eid went quite well (nothing major happened) I tuned in with my Mom to family in Libya via webcam and watched my dad, sis and bro work their way out with the meat stuff XP so lol!

I even video taped them with my cell phone and sent it to them... *evil laugh*

Wow.

I realized how much I missed home, and can't believe (and wait) till I'm actually there again... though things are yet uncertain... the hope is overwhelming :)

*******************

Yesterday, I finally had my hair cut! Yaaaaaaay! Man I'm so relieved!! T_T Mom came with me too and we sorta had the same trim *heehee* like mother, like daughter...

Quite happy and satisfied with the results :) alhamdulillah

It's amazing how little details can make a drastic change in your life. I've been chatting with my friend Shorty almost everyday recently. She's about to go study in the States, and the idea of her going through what I've been through coming here is indescribable.

Talk about history repeating XP

Plus, I came to realize, that most of my friends now I've known through the internet!! And I haven't seen, like, half of them!! "_" How freaky is that? Should one worry?

But then, why? I mean, it just hits you at some point whether that person is worth hanging on to or not... plus! The chatting online is more like TV to me... you can tune in to it whenever you like, with whomever you desire :)

Isn't technology wonderful?

Oh, and I passed my research project ^_^ I was over the moon!! Alhamdulillah!!

Now...

I'm kinda tempted to resume my PhD...

Crazy!! I know!!! >_< /

I figured that there's no harm in giving it a try... if I do get the opertunity, then I'd be the luckiest,ever.

And I'm content...

Till next time?

Sparkle xxx

Happy Eid!! ^_^

Here's wishing you all a happy and wonderful Eid !!

May Allah accept your deeds... and many more...

Many happy returns...


Till next time,

Sparkle xxx

It's Nothing Personal. It's... Nothing Personal

Surely you've heard of the most famous phrase from The Godfather?

"It's nothing personal. It's business."

It's nothing personal. It's not even business. It's not.

Okay. In matters of love, I don't claim that I'm the best ever... romantic!

ضاقت بيك .... تبقى عايزني اكون حواليك ....ضحكت ليك.... اخلاصي يكون حمل عليك....
في الحالتين لا بنساك ولا عايزه انسى

I mean, what is wrong with me??!

I've been asking Allah for guidance, inspiration... some kind of revelation!! And it just comes across me as the right thing to do. Or perhaps that's what I think it is.

Should I go for it?

Story: I've been asking Allah for something (you guess it people! >_<) and this guy keeps coming across me!!     I know I wanted to be through with him for ages, but he... keeps coming into the picture. HE! Not ME!

Puffffffff!!

Like, I really needed this right now!

Back during my course, he wanted to approach and I sorta kinda scolded him to leave me alone. And to be honest, I really wanted to be left alone. I was up to my ears at Uni and the last thing I wanted was to get involved with him again.... the confusion, the blech!!

*sigh*

Why are guys like this?

And if he's that kinda guy, why do I get to suffer?

Is he, after all this, the right guy for me?

So, after all, the way I'm feeling right now, is nothing personal. It's just not.


Allah grant me guidance. Allah grant me guidance. Allah grant me guidance.

And patience.

Amen...



Till next time,


Sparkle xxx

Round And Round...And Round And Round Again @_@

I've seen better days... Alhamdulillah nevertheless...

Wow!

How can a person see so much grief and strain in life and still be able to tolerate it??

How?

The plain answer is: Allah.

What do we do when we're distressed? We run to Him.

Exactly.

Yesterday, I was on the bus with Mom, and a sort of untimely topic came up. We were looking at the passers-by, and wondered, how many of those actually think of Allah and His effect in their lives?

We assumed not much. I mean, we're in a society that's far from being religious, which led us to think, even back in our Islamic "religious" countries, people are far from considering this aspect in life. Meditating. Thinking of what is, and what's to become.

It made me feel grateful and sad at the same time. Grateful that I'm positively conscious about Allah's blessings on me (though I do falter at times when I feel depressed from life's stresses). Sad because they're so many people...

And round and round we went on the bus...

The importance is to know for real. And send thanks.

Alhamdulillah.

Thank God for good health.

Thank God for family.

Thank God for Islam.

Thank God for good, lovely friends.

Thank God for the awareness... hoping for more.

And thank you dear reader for tuning in :)


Till next time,

Sparkle xxx

Same Ol'.... Same Ol' ... And What To Do About It.

It's always uncertain...


Sometimes I don't know why I get to feel the same. Same old, same old. I'm wondering if I'll ever get over it. Ever!

I took a moment to think where I needed to post this. If it were to go on the Rant-O-Vision, then it would sound more like... a rant! When I kinda feel it's not. In this blog, it's all about my inner feelings. The ones that I want to share in a sorta subtle way (?)

*sigh*

I'm just tired. Exhausted. Can't wait to go home. Home.

Graduation day is in December. Dec 14th. Puffff. More like a century ahead to me. Course's over, and most would love this part. Naturally it's the time where we should relax, have fun, anything! But I'm not going through that phase. And that's why I wanna go... home.


I'm tired of baring responsibility for everything. Having to plan everything. Having to think about everything. Worrying where to go. Making sure no-one gets bored or upset.

Ever thought of a time where you can go to sleep, and say, "If it's over.... let me know."

Yesterday, I talked with my sis back home. I told her that I can't wait to go home and set myself free.

You might be thinking, "Okay, this girl's being a brat, not able to take care of things in life."

Before I comment on that.... Doesn't everyone like to feel that way?

I'm actually not. I don't bend under the first wind that blows at me. I start to lean when the wind becomes a storm and no-one's by my side to shield me. Allah's with me. Yes. But He's put me in such conditions to see me. How I'll do. Isn't that enough to go by? Doesn't that empower enough?

Sure does.

It's important that we get reassurance, though hard on a daily basis, but good from time to time....every now and then. I find myself looking for it. Not waiting for it to come to me. I keep reminding myself of happy things. The people I love and love me back.

And I feel blessed.

But that's life.


And those are its thorns...


And we should never bend. The only reason to do so, is a result of loneliness...


And I'm not alone.



Sparkle ...

A Moment to Exhale...

What's the best way to start a post?

It's like the same question that pops into one's head when starting to write a piece of composition. Where to start. What to write.

With me, now, it's how to write it. The feelings. The desires. The dreams. What make me go on from day to day. Sometimes I feel that the course I've studied didn't do me any favors. When I write something, I get the constant critiquing pins inside me that don't allow me to use clichés... I mean, come on, it's not like my stuff is getting published or anything! But that's what you get when you learn about something for real... the right way.

But I'm thankful nevertheless. Alhamdulillah.

So, how to deal with this situation?

Bleh... -___-" 

Now, what I really want... is a moment to exhale. To find me again. I have no moment alone. Or maybe I'm not allowing myself such moments.

I need to do stuff again... 

Maybe if I take care of myself once again, maybe then... I'll feel better again.

Perhaps I'm feeling this way cos I just finished my course when I was so immersed in it? And now I'm scared of emptiness... of not being busy? of thinking?

I'm basically not the negative thinking person... I guess I'm in constant fear of the outside world affecting me. Of going back to that point in time, the darkness and loneliness.

*sigh*

It's not the winter blues. I don't get them. I like winter... ooops I'm contradicting myself now lol

I think I mentioned before that I changed my mind about winter... that from now on I'm a summer person. ^//////^

Oh, I dunno...

I just vowed to keep myself busy ever since the dark days... those dark days...

May Allah help me and grant me assistance from whoever... a helping hand can take you a looooong way.

And I'm grateful...

Till next time,

Sparkle xxx

Things We Might Be Missing

Ah, well.

Ever thought when you find yourself saying that?

It's what I call "The Instant Relief Phrase". Like when you say things that you don't totally believe in or you're not quite sure of, but once you say it... it gives you instant reassurance. That whatever happened is not worth the worry and anxiety, or whatever's to come is for the better... you'll see.

Make any sense?

Today I got up early -___-" to go swimming. I took Mom with me. It was her first time here. Man the pool was crowded! There only one other Muslimah there.

*sigh* You know, it was only when I came here to the UK that I truly felt the importance of exercising. Probably because when I'm at home here, I can reach my destination in less than a step lol :P

The flat I'm in right now is approximately the size of our kitchen in Libya. In other words, our house is about five to ten times bigger than my flat :( in other, other words lol, there's not much moving around unless I'm at Uni running from one lecture to another or from one shop to the other heehee.

So, yeah. I miss our house. There's always a vacant place for you to be at on your own *sigh* 

Around 3 pm, I met with Julia. The weather was mild and cloudy... so lovely. We walked a bit then sat in a cafe to feed Daniella ^_^ Wow! She gave us a hard time lol she's 7 months now and we started putting her in those high chairs for children. She's so funny. Well, we were!! It's like I was holding her hands away and Julia would try to feed her without causing any mess. XP Then she had her bottle and fell asleep...*phew*

Poor Julia. I've been going through this stuff with her ever since baby D was born... yet it's so much fun! Dancing with her, singing to her, buying her stuff (ever so tempting!!)

I keep thinking at times, especially when Julia and I get exhausted, whether I can keep up with that ... for my own sake XD lol

Okay, I'm starting to say things!!

So, till next time,

Sparkle xxx

Fat and Furious: The Issue of Weight... Gaining?!

Puhhh!

Not the perfect weather, but, still tolerable. Drizzle, clouds, a bit cold. And I went shopping.

A few days back (it's not the first time, but it just gave me momentum  to talk about it here) I was at the shops with mom looking through some slacks. I never had purple ones before and I liked the ones in front of me. I managed to get into a size 10 perfectly ^_^ but then came the inevitable... mom said, "Don't you wanna get fatter?"

-__-"

It's like my sisters being rephrased. They would often say to me, "What if you get fat?" , "You might get fat and those won't fit you anymore."

Grrrrrr!

So I need to tell them... my point of view. "Why not say, 'I'm happy with my size and I'm willing to maintain it'?" Of course they would think it impossible. I don't. Once you've put your mind to it. I've been approximately the same size (10 upper-body, 12 lower - the purple pants were an exception... could be the design?)

And life's always got a better side. I keep insisting that the more you keep dressing yourself in larger sizes the more likely you're gonna gain weight.

When mom was here by the end of Ramadan, it had been almost a year since we last saw each other. And she was like, "You don't look good to me. Why aren't you eating?"

-_____-" : Mom, I'm fine and this is my body...

And she gives me the look.

Ah well.

So, all in all, I'm quite pleased that I managed to keep to what I have in mind. I don't follow a specific diet, it's just the "don't eat more than you need" type of thing. Period.

Till next time,


Sparkle xxx

ادم - اغنية فيك الخير (فيديو كليب) | اكتشف الموسيقى في موالي

A song I felt like listening to...

ادم - اغنية فيك الخير (فيديو كليب) | اكتشف الموسيقى في موالي