Where Do We Go From Here...?

Decisions, decisions... what to do? where to go? how to dress? and what not!!

A break, please?

Of course not! Like you get to some point in life where things are on Tempo and you wanna relax? << that's basically my inner voice -__-

Me: Like, yeah! I wanna a break to rest and ... ugh! Why isn't it summer now?? Why does my course have to end by the beginning of winterrrrrr!!??

T_T

Puff...

Now that I've finished, the only reason for me to stay here is that I get a hole in the head!! But no, there's not... there's the fact that I gotta start working on getting my PhD grant |:(

Yes!! I would love to!! And thinking about has been keeping me awake for the last few days... You know, the excitement of embarking on some kind of adventure? That's how I feel inside! Regardless of all the hard worrrrrk that's ahead of me -___-" Yet! I haven't felt this way about my Masters... eh?

Maybe.... Just maybe, because I might not do it here in the UK?

No offense to all who's here already... but... I just didn't find myself on these grounds :~( Even if I had... I'm willing to go in search for the different, the new.

So, now, I'm sorta called "LandSeek" lol Just like my fellow friend SoulSeek (check out his page, you'll like it ^_^.... FYI, he hasn't paid me to do this -__-) heehee

My friend Shorty's heading for the States inshallah for her undergraduate level... and as I mentioned before... seems like all that I know is going there :-S ... so why not I? heehee

Now there's the question of, how different is it gonna be from here? Um, the only one I can think of is that of accent XP remember my post about accents? Ugh, that was a nightmare!

I've somehow mastered the taking care of myself part, and knowing how to get myself around a foreign country on my own quite easily, so Inshallah that wouldn't be such a biggy... I hope. If I could just get my mother not to worry about it (yes, from now on!) >_<

Ah well... Those are mere thoughts of a matter that's yet uncertain and in the hands of God.

Today was really cold (Not that I left... yet??) It snowed a teeny bit, and now it''s sunny. We haven't had sun for this long for quite some time :) Good to be back XD


My main focus these days?


To try and read as much as I can... get my hands on.


So there you go. Now I'm reading Ahdaf Soueif's "The Map of Love" :)

So far so good, I guess.



Till next time,



Sparkle xxx

Off The Hook

And yet another day has come...

It's almost 9:30am here... and I'm awake!!

I couldn't go to sleep after Fajir prayers, which was about three hours ago.

There's so much going on (mostly in my head), not that interesting stuff, but it sure is making me tired...

I sometimes think, why can't I just talk about things here? Since I'm already anonymous to the majority in blog-sphere...

Dunno...

Perhaps it's cos of the fear that I'd regret and feel bad about myself blabbering about private issues? Or perhaps I'm scared I'd get busted?

But then again, like it's nothing uber confidential... it's just... well it is to me, okay.

Why am I saying this?

Okay.

Eid went quite well (nothing major happened) I tuned in with my Mom to family in Libya via webcam and watched my dad, sis and bro work their way out with the meat stuff XP so lol!

I even video taped them with my cell phone and sent it to them... *evil laugh*

Wow.

I realized how much I missed home, and can't believe (and wait) till I'm actually there again... though things are yet uncertain... the hope is overwhelming :)

*******************

Yesterday, I finally had my hair cut! Yaaaaaaay! Man I'm so relieved!! T_T Mom came with me too and we sorta had the same trim *heehee* like mother, like daughter...

Quite happy and satisfied with the results :) alhamdulillah

It's amazing how little details can make a drastic change in your life. I've been chatting with my friend Shorty almost everyday recently. She's about to go study in the States, and the idea of her going through what I've been through coming here is indescribable.

Talk about history repeating XP

Plus, I came to realize, that most of my friends now I've known through the internet!! And I haven't seen, like, half of them!! "_" How freaky is that? Should one worry?

But then, why? I mean, it just hits you at some point whether that person is worth hanging on to or not... plus! The chatting online is more like TV to me... you can tune in to it whenever you like, with whomever you desire :)

Isn't technology wonderful?

Oh, and I passed my research project ^_^ I was over the moon!! Alhamdulillah!!

Now...

I'm kinda tempted to resume my PhD...

Crazy!! I know!!! >_< /

I figured that there's no harm in giving it a try... if I do get the opertunity, then I'd be the luckiest,ever.

And I'm content...

Till next time?

Sparkle xxx

Happy Eid!! ^_^

Here's wishing you all a happy and wonderful Eid !!

May Allah accept your deeds... and many more...

Many happy returns...


Till next time,

Sparkle xxx

It's Nothing Personal. It's... Nothing Personal

Surely you've heard of the most famous phrase from The Godfather?

"It's nothing personal. It's business."

It's nothing personal. It's not even business. It's not.

Okay. In matters of love, I don't claim that I'm the best ever... romantic!

ضاقت بيك .... تبقى عايزني اكون حواليك ....ضحكت ليك.... اخلاصي يكون حمل عليك....
في الحالتين لا بنساك ولا عايزه انسى

I mean, what is wrong with me??!

I've been asking Allah for guidance, inspiration... some kind of revelation!! And it just comes across me as the right thing to do. Or perhaps that's what I think it is.

Should I go for it?

Story: I've been asking Allah for something (you guess it people! >_<) and this guy keeps coming across me!!     I know I wanted to be through with him for ages, but he... keeps coming into the picture. HE! Not ME!

Puffffffff!!

Like, I really needed this right now!

Back during my course, he wanted to approach and I sorta kinda scolded him to leave me alone. And to be honest, I really wanted to be left alone. I was up to my ears at Uni and the last thing I wanted was to get involved with him again.... the confusion, the blech!!

*sigh*

Why are guys like this?

And if he's that kinda guy, why do I get to suffer?

Is he, after all this, the right guy for me?

So, after all, the way I'm feeling right now, is nothing personal. It's just not.


Allah grant me guidance. Allah grant me guidance. Allah grant me guidance.

And patience.

Amen...



Till next time,


Sparkle xxx

Round And Round...And Round And Round Again @_@

I've seen better days... Alhamdulillah nevertheless...

Wow!

How can a person see so much grief and strain in life and still be able to tolerate it??

How?

The plain answer is: Allah.

What do we do when we're distressed? We run to Him.

Exactly.

Yesterday, I was on the bus with Mom, and a sort of untimely topic came up. We were looking at the passers-by, and wondered, how many of those actually think of Allah and His effect in their lives?

We assumed not much. I mean, we're in a society that's far from being religious, which led us to think, even back in our Islamic "religious" countries, people are far from considering this aspect in life. Meditating. Thinking of what is, and what's to become.

It made me feel grateful and sad at the same time. Grateful that I'm positively conscious about Allah's blessings on me (though I do falter at times when I feel depressed from life's stresses). Sad because they're so many people...

And round and round we went on the bus...

The importance is to know for real. And send thanks.

Alhamdulillah.

Thank God for good health.

Thank God for family.

Thank God for Islam.

Thank God for good, lovely friends.

Thank God for the awareness... hoping for more.

And thank you dear reader for tuning in :)


Till next time,

Sparkle xxx

Same Ol'.... Same Ol' ... And What To Do About It.

It's always uncertain...


Sometimes I don't know why I get to feel the same. Same old, same old. I'm wondering if I'll ever get over it. Ever!

I took a moment to think where I needed to post this. If it were to go on the Rant-O-Vision, then it would sound more like... a rant! When I kinda feel it's not. In this blog, it's all about my inner feelings. The ones that I want to share in a sorta subtle way (?)

*sigh*

I'm just tired. Exhausted. Can't wait to go home. Home.

Graduation day is in December. Dec 14th. Puffff. More like a century ahead to me. Course's over, and most would love this part. Naturally it's the time where we should relax, have fun, anything! But I'm not going through that phase. And that's why I wanna go... home.


I'm tired of baring responsibility for everything. Having to plan everything. Having to think about everything. Worrying where to go. Making sure no-one gets bored or upset.

Ever thought of a time where you can go to sleep, and say, "If it's over.... let me know."

Yesterday, I talked with my sis back home. I told her that I can't wait to go home and set myself free.

You might be thinking, "Okay, this girl's being a brat, not able to take care of things in life."

Before I comment on that.... Doesn't everyone like to feel that way?

I'm actually not. I don't bend under the first wind that blows at me. I start to lean when the wind becomes a storm and no-one's by my side to shield me. Allah's with me. Yes. But He's put me in such conditions to see me. How I'll do. Isn't that enough to go by? Doesn't that empower enough?

Sure does.

It's important that we get reassurance, though hard on a daily basis, but good from time to time....every now and then. I find myself looking for it. Not waiting for it to come to me. I keep reminding myself of happy things. The people I love and love me back.

And I feel blessed.

But that's life.


And those are its thorns...


And we should never bend. The only reason to do so, is a result of loneliness...


And I'm not alone.



Sparkle ...

A Moment to Exhale...

What's the best way to start a post?

It's like the same question that pops into one's head when starting to write a piece of composition. Where to start. What to write.

With me, now, it's how to write it. The feelings. The desires. The dreams. What make me go on from day to day. Sometimes I feel that the course I've studied didn't do me any favors. When I write something, I get the constant critiquing pins inside me that don't allow me to use clichés... I mean, come on, it's not like my stuff is getting published or anything! But that's what you get when you learn about something for real... the right way.

But I'm thankful nevertheless. Alhamdulillah.

So, how to deal with this situation?

Bleh... -___-" 

Now, what I really want... is a moment to exhale. To find me again. I have no moment alone. Or maybe I'm not allowing myself such moments.

I need to do stuff again... 

Maybe if I take care of myself once again, maybe then... I'll feel better again.

Perhaps I'm feeling this way cos I just finished my course when I was so immersed in it? And now I'm scared of emptiness... of not being busy? of thinking?

I'm basically not the negative thinking person... I guess I'm in constant fear of the outside world affecting me. Of going back to that point in time, the darkness and loneliness.

*sigh*

It's not the winter blues. I don't get them. I like winter... ooops I'm contradicting myself now lol

I think I mentioned before that I changed my mind about winter... that from now on I'm a summer person. ^//////^

Oh, I dunno...

I just vowed to keep myself busy ever since the dark days... those dark days...

May Allah help me and grant me assistance from whoever... a helping hand can take you a looooong way.

And I'm grateful...

Till next time,

Sparkle xxx