Tuesday, October 26, 2010
I've seen better days... Alhamdulillah nevertheless...
How can a person see so much grief and strain in life and still be able to tolerate it??
The plain answer is: Allah.
What do we do when we're distressed? We run to Him.
Yesterday, I was on the bus with Mom, and a sort of untimely topic came up. We were looking at the passers-by, and wondered, how many of those actually think of Allah and His effect in their lives?
We assumed not much. I mean, we're in a society that's far from being religious, which led us to think, even back in our Islamic "religious" countries, people are far from considering this aspect in life. Meditating. Thinking of what is, and what's to become.
It made me feel grateful and sad at the same time. Grateful that I'm positively conscious about Allah's blessings on me (though I do falter at times when I feel depressed from life's stresses). Sad because they're so many people...
And round and round we went on the bus...
The importance is to know for real. And send thanks.
Thank God for good health.
Thank God for family.
Thank God for Islam.
Thank God for good, lovely friends.
Thank God for the awareness... hoping for more.
And thank you dear reader for tuning in :)
Till next time,
Saturday, October 23, 2010
It's always uncertain...
Sometimes I don't know why I get to feel the same. Same old, same old. I'm wondering if I'll ever get over it. Ever!
I took a moment to think where I needed to post this. If it were to go on the Rant-O-Vision, then it would sound more like... a rant! When I kinda feel it's not. In this blog, it's all about my inner feelings. The ones that I want to share in a sorta subtle way (?)
I'm just tired. Exhausted. Can't wait to go home. Home.
Graduation day is in December. Dec 14th. Puffff. More like a century ahead to me. Course's over, and most would love this part. Naturally it's the time where we should relax, have fun, anything! But I'm not going through that phase. And that's why I wanna go... home.
I'm tired of baring responsibility for everything. Having to plan everything. Having to think about everything. Worrying where to go. Making sure no-one gets bored or upset.
Ever thought of a time where you can go to sleep, and say, "If it's over.... let me know."
Yesterday, I talked with my sis back home. I told her that I can't wait to go home and set myself free.
You might be thinking, "Okay, this girl's being a brat, not able to take care of things in life."
Before I comment on that.... Doesn't everyone like to feel that way?
I'm actually not. I don't bend under the first wind that blows at me. I start to lean when the wind becomes a storm and no-one's by my side to shield me. Allah's with me. Yes. But He's put me in such conditions to see me. How I'll do. Isn't that enough to go by? Doesn't that empower enough?
It's important that we get reassurance, though hard on a daily basis, but good from time to time....every now and then. I find myself looking for it. Not waiting for it to come to me. I keep reminding myself of happy things. The people I love and love me back.
And I feel blessed.
But that's life.
And those are its thorns...
And we should never bend. The only reason to do so, is a result of loneliness...
And I'm not alone.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
What's the best way to start a post?
It's like the same question that pops into one's head when starting to write a piece of composition. Where to start. What to write.
With me, now, it's how to write it. The feelings. The desires. The dreams. What make me go on from day to day. Sometimes I feel that the course I've studied didn't do me any favors. When I write something, I get the constant critiquing pins inside me that don't allow me to use clichés... I mean, come on, it's not like my stuff is getting published or anything! But that's what you get when you learn about something for real... the right way.
But I'm thankful nevertheless. Alhamdulillah.
So, how to deal with this situation?
Now, what I really want... is a moment to exhale. To find me again. I have no moment alone. Or maybe I'm not allowing myself such moments.
I need to do stuff again...
Maybe if I take care of myself once again, maybe then... I'll feel better again.
Perhaps I'm feeling this way cos I just finished my course when I was so immersed in it? And now I'm scared of emptiness... of not being busy? of thinking?
I'm basically not the negative thinking person... I guess I'm in constant fear of the outside world affecting me. Of going back to that point in time, the darkness and loneliness.
It's not the winter blues. I don't get them. I like winter... ooops I'm contradicting myself now lol
I think I mentioned before that I changed my mind about winter... that from now on I'm a summer person. ^//////^
Oh, I dunno...
I just vowed to keep myself busy ever since the dark days... those dark days...
May Allah help me and grant me assistance from whoever... a helping hand can take you a looooong way.
And I'm grateful...
Till next time,