When I Was Obsessed...

An obsession...






We've all got one, don't we?

But that's not the main theme of my post. I just wanted to point out my most recent obsessions... which I hope isn't that bad a one >////<

Check out this video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3ZWc3pARpY


Isn't it great listening to all those legends and think, "Where'd the world go wrong?" No one's interested in making such elegant stuff anymore... nobody's actually interested in tuning in to them ... anymore.

So, my obsession is Dean Martin and Frankie... well I've been obsessed with the latter for quite some time now, which makes Dean a new. ^_^

************

O'right! For my latest!





Umm





You really wanna know? @_@



Well, I haven't been up to much activity ....at least not study wise. Christmas holiday started last week and I wanted to take this week off from even looking at my books and drafts... so there you go. Your brief in. But I can't seem to take a vacation from my whirling mind... that is, if anyone can do that *wary laugh*

I'll talk about my miserable life with my flat mate later, so as to not bore you with it from the start here, and perhaps you'd want to consider skipping that part once you get to it.

So, anyway, about a month ago, Gary (my research tutor) asked us to prepare our final research proposal package (they like using fancy words, don't they? makes you feel like you're sending something by post.

I got this idea for a full length movie script. It's a Romance, Comedy- Drama, about a Muslim girl living in the west (thinking Canada, but might change it to USA)with her family, who are truly traditional and want her settled as she heads for her mids twenties. Now the conflict here is when she falls in love with a non-Muslim. Her parents don't know about this, and keep arranging a matchmaking scheme with a guy from her religion and country (I'm thinking Lebanon- Don't get me wrong, there's no specific reason, I just wanted to vary my work. I already worked on pieces that took place in Libya and Egypt, so I guess this would be reasonable)I have the plot sorted out, but I still need more tension and conflict. Seeing that it's a cross-cultural relationship the girl has, Gary needs me to show the western guy in a positive way... and I was like, "Right, not what I had in mind". My thoughts.

It's funny how people in the west keep having these miscinceptions about the way we live (easterns: specifically Muslims) There are stuff that don't apply to us for Goodness sake!!

Pfffff


I'll let you in on this soon, once I start redrafting and arranging my ideas.

***********

Okay, for the juicy part, you've all been waiting for!! XD


Come on! You reached this point you gotta finish to the end!!!

XP

So, I told you that my Mom called last week, and she was like, I need you to be strong and patient and all that... but that's just hard. You know how I allow myself to be sad and seek closure from depression by moping on things for a while? Well, I guess the same applies to dealing with my flatmate!!

T_T Like I could cry for-ev-er!!

It's just annoying the Hell outta me... and by "it" I mean everything!!
How would you feel if you keep finding laundry on the floor when it should be in the laundry bag? How would you feel if whatever needs to be recycled you keep finding them in the garbage bag, and not in their own division?

Can you possibly teach someone all over? Someone who's pushing thirty, that is.

Isn't that tragic? Not just for them, but also for those around them who have to put up with all the nonsense...


Sheesh!! I'm soooo tired and I really need to clear my head... for the sake of my studies. *sniff sniff*

If there's any advice you'd like to throw in to me, do it with your eyes closed...

P.S: Don't tell me to be patient cos I already got that on my list Q__Q *sniff sniff*

Yeah, that's my life you see.


*sigh*

Ooooh!! It's been snowing around here!! Goody Goody (still influenced by Frankie here) But it's not that much, but enough to add joy to my heart... and brightness to this gloomy land.

Sub7an Allah.... I just don't know how these people do it! Living here...


Well, now... I'll just keep listening to Mozart for now... and I'll BRB.

With a smile :) ..... hopefully -__-"




Till next time


Sparkle xxx

When I Was Seventeen...

.... it was a very good year - Frank Sinatra.

How is it that the last few years I didn't feel my age? But last Wednesday, my birthday >////< , I took a good look at the pics I shot the day before and thought... wow! I so look 27! lol

Last Tuesday, I had my birthday party and invited some of my closest friends (one of which is Julia of course ^_^ ) I held it that day cos my Taiwanese friend, Yu Ling, had to leave for Taiwan on Wednesday.

We had a swell time! The theme was Libyan Music :P and I showed them pics and videos of back home. Now they're all excited about going there for a visit! ^_^ It'll be sooo cool if they came and I get to show them around XD

So, the following day, I planned to go see New Moon. I called Julia but she was busy that day... -__-" bummer... I contacted a few other friends, they made it but they came late... and we missed the screening T_T So one of them suggested that we see The Box (Cameron Diaz) I told them that the movie got really bad reviews, but they insisted and said that it'll be cool.

And it wasn't... tadaaa!

What really made it worth while was that we laughed throughout the movie because it was sooooo boring ^ v ^ The dialogue was all cliched, events predictable and the acting was so poor and dull! How embarrassing...




Ah well... you don't win them all, do you?


Hurray for the holidays!! Hip hip hurray!


Yeah, but way to go with all the work I need to get finished by January... Bumm-er.

Last Monday was our last Stage and Screen session, and it was a work-in-action class where we split in groups of threes and fours to act out our scripts (we also direct each others' pieces)... a practice to see how well our work "works" out. It was great fun and boy we had great laughs! yak yak... talk about the talent for acting! hehehe

Thursday morning my mom called. I don't know how it happened but I started crying. I had decided not to let her in on whatever bothered me especially with my flat mate... it's not like she can do anything to change things and to let her worry more was not a good idea. But I just did. I felt really lonely at that time and perhaps the mishaps of the previous day really turned me down.

Somehow I was glad to open up on things. She took really well and told me things I was in need to hear. She was right when she said "Whenever there are two living together, the heavy load is laid on one" ... which is clearly my case, and "be patient it's almost over... just try to imagine that you've only got each other in this world and you've got to be tolerant".

Oh God....why do they always have to be right, mothers?

So, as I've been telling myself over and over again... I need to be patient... as long as it doesn't affect my studies, it's all fine and I really need to get a grip.

I think my blog works for students living abroad hehehe so there you go, fellow students, a well packed tutorial book if you wanna call it that!




*Sigh*


Till next time

When I Felt Lost...

"I'd rather die tomorrow... than live a hundred years without knowing you." - John Smith/ Pocahontas

Then came the song, "If I Never Knew You".

Yeah, thanks a lot!

:(

Today, I seriously needed a break from my life. And the moment I thought I'd get away from all that messed it up, I find myself in a muddle of some more.

Like, seriously, why should one be blamed for something that's totally not his/ her fault!?

I went out to meet with Julia around 2 this afternoon. Christmas decorations are out and about already, so we wanted to check them out. Later on we sat in a café, a new one we've never been to before, cos we were like, if we went to Nero or Pret a Manger once more we'd go and kill somebody for sure lol.

Anyway, so later on Julia's husband Kole joins us and he brings up his favorite topic of all. Getting me married.

I ain't kidding you guys!

He's been at it for quite some time- along with his wife for sure- as in, it's about time, you ain't got long before your course finishes... find someone!!

Where do I begin... do tell me??

And I thought people back in my society were freaked out about getting girls married! It's so weird it makes me laugh! ... and cry all at the same time.

It's very thoughtful of him, amen to that. Now that I got rid of my Mom nagging over my shoulder about the topic... along comes Mary... I mean Kole and his wife!

He would actually tell me that there are really good muslim men around here who make a perfect match. Of course there are. Not that I know of any, but perfect guys are everywhere... everywhere, yet hard to find :D Yeah, that's how life makes sense, doesn't it? He said, "Sparkle, you need to find someone before your year is over." Meaning by the end of next year, my course that is.

Sparkle: smile and nod.

What can one say in such situations?

Back home, and as I've mentioned before, people think I'm picky. Here, I dunno what they think. Cos I don't see any of em. Not that I don't, it's just that I have no way in communicating with them. Them= guys.

All this is adding to the load I'm carrying, the one that has to do with my studies. The new additional load, find myself a good suitor.

Can I describe this as depressing? or merely frustrating? Because, I don't see how I can do anything about it. I don't know how.

And I'm scared.


Not scared that I'd ever get married. No. It's the fact that I'd not end up with someone who'd cherish me for who I am. To understand my westernized mentality and say that this is how she grew up and it's part of who she is. To be proud of me cos I'd do him right, and provide a loving environment to his life.

Kole is a really nice guy. But today, and since I've established the 7alla again, I just looked at him and thought, "Wow, Kole, I wish you'd shut up!"

lol

*sigh*

We had dinner together- he'd been insisting for ages that they take me- so, tired as I was, I agreed. He went on with his match-making suggestions... I laughed them off.

I came home later on... and I felt really empty inside. It had nothing to do with what he had been saying lately. It's just that... it's true.

You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking mainly about my parents. I know it all has to do foremostly with my wellbeing in terms of finding a good match, but the other thing, I feel that, same as everyone else on this planet, they need to see me married, see their grandchildren, guide them and tell them what a crybaby I was when I was a kid... my mom would love to hold them and bathe them, and sing to them, and feed them mashed vegetables and bananas...

It might sound crazy... but that's what all parents want to see... their children's families...





..........












Gosh I'm so tired.... so so tired....







May Allah forgive me, guide me and bestow strength and security on me, may He grant me the courage and success for my course, may He grant me a good husband, may He grant me beautiful children, for my own sake and for my parents' sake...


Till next time

When I Felt Secure...

Last Sunday the 25th, the time here went back an hour. i.e. darkness falls before 5 pm...

Now, at school on Mondays and Tuesdays (that's when I have lectures, which are 3:30- 20:00 pm Monday and 16:00- 18:00 pm Tuesday)I need to come a little earlier than that in order to pray either Assr or Maghreb.

Last Monday, I inquired about Muslim prayer room and was directed to the "Green Room" they call it. Guys, you can't imagine how blessed I felt I was... the place was magnificent. Not big, but totally convenient for our practice.

It looked more like a flat to me. There was a small room for prayers, just like that in real mosques, a small kitchen with everything that is usually found in a kitchen (lol)What I liked about it was that there was a small fridge with drinks and baskets next to it with cakes, sandwiches and packets of meals (eg. rice with chicken) everything is enlisted in a list on the wall with their prices, and there's a small piggy-bank safe to place your payment.

What I was surprised to see was the toilets, made the islamic way.

Isn't that neat or what!?

I'm sure other sisters feel blessed as I do... to be taken care of and thought about whenever we might be in need. I felt so relieved and safe... the atmosphere was so complete.

When you climb the stairs to the room (one thing I hate about it is the stairs lol... breathtaking! :P) you find notes and posters of prayers and athkar you can say whilst you're on your way up... yeah, they know it's a long way hehe

This week is charity week at Uni. Muslims and Arabs volunteered. A couple of guys dressed in funny costumes and stroll around with buckets to collect money, and campaign for the cause. Others held booths that sold doughnuts, clothes and other stuff. One booth offered to apply ornamented Henna for girls ^_^ cute...

Last Monday, after my 3:30 class, my colleagues and I gathered in a cafe oposite our Uni. We had a pretty cool time together, and I was glad that they weren't hard to get along with :)

Alhamdulillah for his blessings and gifts upon us... and may we all be forever gratefull to Him...


Amen


Till next time ;)

Writing Like A Maniac...

Jello again ^_^


Jello as in Jell-O...





:D





Anyway...



So, if you're ever thinking of entering the writing business... think twice... thrice... even more if you can... the more the merrier ^_^

But why am I saying that? Of course all course has this kind of perplexing anxiety department in its building... get it?

I might not be making any sense... that means I'm overloaded and my mind is occupied with a hundred thousand territorial ideas... for my writing that is.

Last week I was drowned in an assignment- which I happened to have procrastinated (gosh I hate writing this word!!) for quite a while- of 3000 words... happily it was merely a first draft, but, you know, good impression's the key here... or is it?

So, now I'm up against another deadline next week... a 5000 words portfolio of short stories (or story), also a first draft. I dunno if they're being generous with this "first draft" thingy!! or is it just to get on our nerves ... and as one of my colleagues said, "Let the writing begin."

I felt like slumping on the table before me... -__-


Hehehe


Every Tuesday, we meet for a reading session. We read a play. Our tutor runs the event... and ever since day one.... he insisted that we act the play... and I was like @_@ ahee ahee hee...

Not that I got a problem with acting (I think I'm pretty good at it XD ) The thing was, I didn't know anything about the play, plus it was in British English!! Plus the dialect!! AARRGGGHHH Seeing that we were short in cast we had to all take more than one role... bummer! And when it was my turn, I read out like an American robot ... here's one of the lines that went horribly wrong LOL:

From Edward Bond's play "The Sea"

THOMPSON (ME hhhhh): My life. I was sweatin' back there. I was certain-shar Mrs Rafi'd come through. Juss the sort a notion she'd git took in her hid. She gave me the sack doo she find me here."

Bleeeh?

OMG... that was a nightmare! Good thing it was a comedy, so I sent a wave of laughter among my colleagues, one of whom has a roaring laugh that's soooo contageous (yak yak yak)

The weather these days is gloomy and rainy... I like this weather ^_^ hehe ... yeah, welcome to my realm of the weird!


So, 5000 words by Monday (the next)... an initial scene treatment of my screenplay by November 6th... how delightful! ^_^

Believe it or not, I'm gonna have to collaborate with another student to direct my script- which my tutor keeps telling me to keep on a low budget- well, da... it's not like I was thinking Pixar or 3D...!!

lol jk


OK...focus! I have one short story finished (500 words) which makes 4500 words to go.... yaaay how comforting... *whimper* I do have an idea for a tragic story, and another which is sorta sci-fi...

I hope I don't sound pathetic... cos I do... lol ... OK, middle age crisis on the way. But I'm glad I get to ramble on about it here... to save what's left of my sanity. Believe me, it's really good to write like a maniac... at times :D

Give it a go... and the true you will-- show!

^_^


Till next time ;)

EXHAUSTION... DANGER... DO NOT APPROACH

To Be Cont....

Once Upon A Stage...

You really wanna know? Like you really wanna know!?

lol

Ok Quest, here's what happened.

**********







Yesterday- Writing for Stage and Screen class- 15:30

I've been preparing, like, all of last week for this lecture... reading about the damned 'Theatre of Catastrophe'... trying to get myself to understand what it stands for... blaa!

Our tutor asked us to read about it and react to it "even if you think it's rubbish, say so, and say why" ...


Well, he asked for it...


hehehe

Omg, I should be expelled!!

*exaggeration*

I'm not a bad student. I was just trying to get things straight... in a way or another. Cos, I hardly know anything about theatre, let alone Theatre of Catastrophe... it's like a Catastrophe on its own!!

So, he asks us what we thought... One of my colleagues expresses that he thinks it's absurd. I thought: "Ok, good. A negative perspective, so I won't be the odd one out."

Like that's some kinda justification to that type of thinking?! Puh-lease

Tutor turns to me: what have you to say?

Me: I agree with James, and think that it's unreasonable to presume that an audience would want to go and attend a play and subject themselves to pain and torture- which is what this type of theatre often explores- let alone the fact that we as humans don't appreciate the exposition of our lives in front of us (dunno where I got that from)

Tutor blinks: Well that's the main purpose of most plays is that they exhibit our lives before us.

Me: True. But the idea of wanting to go and witness what might be disturbing is quite absurd.

Tutor (his face turning red to his ears): So, if you were told to go see Macbeth or Henry V, you wouldn't go see it because of the violence within it?

Me (Ooops): Surely I would go see them as their being a classic...

Fortunately, the discussion shifts to another route.

********************


I dunno what happened there, but it kinda gave me the sense that I wouldn't get it. Unless I try mega harder. I'm an Anti-Complication type of person, if that makes sense.... hhhhh

But I spoke later on to my program manager, who is an incredibly nice man, and expressed my concerns about the module, and whether I'd be able to follow the pace. Luckily, I'm not obliged to write a stage script, rather a script for screen, which is kinda my thing, cos I get to write the story... as a story- hence imagining it as a movie- and then would transform it into script format.

Yippee... case solved hehe

Well, at least I went through the trouble of finding a suitable pic for my post... Who other than Tuxedo Mask (from Sailor Moon) would better serve the purpose *batting her eyelashes*

Today at the Short Story Workshop, we practiced writing in 1st, 2nd and 3rd person narrative. 3rd is great and a piece of cake. 1st is something of a challenge but is tolerable. 2nd... mmmmbbaa. lol quite out of the ordinary I must say. Never done it before, unless within dialogue.

NB: for those who are unfamiliar with this:

1st person: is when the main character is the narrator "I said... I did..."

2nd person: is when the narrator is indicating YOU lol "you ate your breakfast...etc"

3rd person: is when the narrator is the viewer of events, the one looking over the characters shoulder if I may say "he said... she said..."

Later after that, we went to our main building screen room to watch a documentary about two British citizens who carried out a bombing attack in Telaviv back in 2004. Shocking I must say. My program manager is one of the researchers on the case for the documentary, and we held a discussion about it.


Well packed day... and a rainy one too ^_^ beautiful weather when it's raining... I tend to feel better.... and calm.


Loads of writing to do.. and loads of stuff to start reading about (if you know what I'm sayin' ) lol


Till next time ;)

L' automne

Fall is Here


Helen H. Moore


Fall is here.
Another year
is coming to an end.
Summer's finished,
Summer's gone,
Winter's round the bend


Fall has come past me for years and years now, yet, I never seemed to think about it much.

I guess the only thing that I ever encounter during this season is the fact that winter is drawing near... winter is my favorite month... it's when snow falls... even though not in most countries, but it snows in my head and it fills me with joy.

Now, Fall. Hmmm... Fall is beautiful. We can say loads of stuff about this time of year: colors of trees, the rustling wind through the flailing leaves, the rainy mornings and misty nights... It is a grey month... but grey's not bad. At least it's not black! Who would want that?

It was sooo windy today outside. I couldn't go out...wasn't really inviting (plus I had loads of stuff to do...) but a thought popped into my head.

Although the majority of regions around the world go through the same season with every coming months... it struck me as to how we are all united in witnessing the same change in climate. Just like Ramadan and Muslims... except this one has a wider range... it includes millions and millions...

And it's not just us humans... it's all the creatures around us... they get ready to hybernate... such a busy season...


Sub7an Allah...

Isn't it beautiful that most of the world starts school in this season? How many of you thought about that? How many things could you think of that integrates us without us knowing so?


Wow!!

Autumn


Charlotte L. Riser


When the trees their summer splendor
Change to raiment red and gold,
When the summer moon turns mellow,
And the nights are getting cold;
When the squirrels hide their acorns,
And the woodchucks disappear;
Then we know that it is autumn,
Loveliest season of the year.



What's your favorite season? ^_^


Till next time ;)

Big Girls Don't Cry...

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I

We've got some straightenin' out to do

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

Fergie-Big Girls Don't Cry


Yesterday, my folks headed back home. We all got up early (not my cup of tea...lol) and went to the train station, from where they'd taken the train to the airport in Manchester. And they left at 8:55 am...

I must go along...

I went to a cafe to have a decent breakfast, cos earlier I couldn't eat anything. Then I decided to head back home... wasn't a good idea. They had rented the apartment beneath mine, and the moment I set foot into the building... no comment.

So, I ran upstairs, grabbed my homework and laptop and headed to the University. I sat in the Grand Hall and did some of my homework... watching from time to time the passers by, wondering what makes them happy in their lonliness...

It's time to be a big girl now...

I know we're not used to be living so far apart for a long time... but their visit sure filled my life once again. I had someone to talk to for real. I had a brother to joke with (fist fight when neccessary lol)a mother to guide me through my life here... a father to push me harder ahead... a family.


Clairty, peace, serenity

Well, I'm glad they're home safely now and will be getting on with their lives... and so will I. Of course I'm listening to Big Girls Don't Cry as I write this.

But it's time for me to go home...It's getting late, dark outside...I need to be with myself

Julia called me later yesterday afternoon (she knew they were leaving, we spent the evening as a whole the night before and my folks met her husband) and suggested that we go out to a cafe (the usual lol). I'm so blessed with friends like her. You know, the type that would know you're distressed and would do stuff to get you out of it? yup, that's her.

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry


Till next time ;)

She'll Be Comin' Round The Mountain ...

School's back...

It is for most people out there. Our dear school students at their various stages; the ones at college heading for yet another year; teachers preparing for lectures etc...

Me?


Well, it's all just started ! lol




NB: Surely, ignore the fact that I should be asleep by now!!

I started yesterday, as in Monday the 28th. Last week was induction week, where we had general meetings about the program and what not, in addition to a lovely international student lunch.

Settling down wasn't that hard. Or maybe that's what I think... for now. I am the only Arab and muslim in my group of about 20 MA students(99.9% of which are English!) The problem I'm facing, basically, is the fact that their Yorkshire accent is nowhere near comprehensive ... pain... in... head. But they're very nice and friendly... so I have nothing to complain about.

I take writing for stage and screen as one of my optional modules (something which I never even dreamed of taking in my life!)And the tutor's in the habit of moving about the class in a dramatic fashion (I'm assuming unintentional, as it seems a matter of habit lol) with an occassional wriggle of his brows, and devlish glare when emphasizing a point. A masterpiece hhhh.

Today was Short story workshop. I simply loved it! I'm completely familiar with the narrating game where someone starts off a story by writing the first sentence and then another person adds on to it, as a result, a short story- not neccessarily sound, is born! Except our tutor took a different approach and asked us to do it orally...

Yikes!!

lol so he started off by one student then suddenly jumped to another and another etc. It was fabulous and we had a hell of a laugh.

That's about school... now family!

I know I haven't posted since Eid, but as you know, my folks are here and we've been going out and about. Our latest was a weekend in London woohoo (well... semi-woohoo, cos I got a cold from the AC on the road *sniff cough* and I'm still stuck with it!)

It was a fabulous trip and I'm glad we went as a whole. Can you imagine, almost 31 years ago, my parents came to London for their honeymoon... heheheee ! well, waddya know!

I bought some cool stuff, I promise to show them off here... LOL jk heehee

Boohoo ... my family are leaving this Thursday... sucks.

But they promised to be back for Eid Uladh'ha.. Inshallah ^_^

mmmmmm... yup, that's it for now y'all!


Till next time ;)

Ramadan... Day 29

Well... well... well

Seems like it's over already, huh?

Today's the last day in Ramadan... I miss it already *sniff*

So, happy Eid to all Muslims around this tiny planet. I pray to Allah that he will accept all your prayers, efforts, supplication and good deeds Inshallah.

The pic at the beginning of this post was dedicated to me from my dear ol' student in Libya (Fadwa).

My folks arrived to Leeds last Tuesday. Boy was it a relief to finally see them. I haven't seen my Mom and big sis since January!! Except via webcam... but that doesn't count to me :P

My Dad was here with me till February, so I haven't seen him for quite a while as well.

I'm so happy I don't get to spend the day of Eid alone... Al7amdulillah ^_^

My heart and prayers go to all people around the world, who are far from their family and loved ones... to those who are imprisoned in the occupied lands of Palestine... the others who suffer from deprivation of any sort... May Allah grant you peace and patience to go through the days.


Salam to all my friends and beloved family and relatives in Libya.

All my love to my dearest, best friend Lila in Switzerland * I miss yooouuuu *



To my dear blog-pals... all respect and appreciation, and heartfelt dedications on this special occassion.


Till next time';)

Ramadan... Day 22

lol ^_^ oops sorry part of it got cut off

"Do you, Jason, take Karyn to have and to hold, to E-mail and fax, to page and beep, until death do you part?"

Ramadan... Day 21

"When your serenity is through..."









Hello again my good people

The weather was fine today. I had to fax some papers back home so I went out with my brother. I met with Julia later on, and was glad that she wanted to look for an outfit, cos I was particularly aimless as to where I wanted to go.

This part of my sequel focuses on how many of us males or females could be led nowhere on the road to marriage if not directed to the right way. This can be by taking your hand, giving you a word of wisdom... helping by any means. There are times when even the wisest fail to assist others... and that's where the real loss is... and exactly what happened to me once upon a time. I'm glad to have been blessed to share this with others here... lest my experience be of any use to anyone out there.

Note: perhaps this part might not be clear or its morals hidden... but I had no other way of telling it, and this is how it went

**************

Confessing an Experience # Part 2


Year four commenced and I was in a hell of a condition.

There was the fear of going out, the fear of seeing people and them seeing me. It was like: "GASP! Sparkle you look terrible!" etc

I was pale and thin... and felt that every gust of wind would blow me away.
One day, I get a message from my Dad's cousin and she asked me to contact her as soon as possible. I called her...

Her: I know we've never been engaged in serious conversation before, or even know each other well, but I have a question for you.

Me: Ooo-ka-y...

Her: Do you find yourself ready to for marriage?

*crash clunk boing*

Me (after collecting myself): urm...I... ah... I dunno...

Her (barely waiting for my response): Surely you want to know who it is, right?

Silence

Her: It's Ahmed (another cousin of my Dad's) and he wants to know what do you think?

We talked a little but a short while later, someone came in and I had to cut it short, telling her that I'd first have to inform my family and see what will happen.

*****

At first, I said that to buy time... coz I didn't know what to answer her, and the only logic response I've grown aware of was: "I need to discuss this with my family first." They say that's how a girl would show her self-esteem. If she gave her response immediately, then she's regarded as 'too obvious' and can't wait to get married! Ok, I don't wanna dwell on that any further.

Moving on...

My mom wasn't at home. She was in our home town which was two hours' drive from the town where we lived, coz my Grandad was very ill... I couldn't tell my Dad, naturally.

Days pass and I inform her. I get no real reaction generally, but I let it slide as I didn't know whether this was going to take place anyway.

A few months pass and we hear nothing of the topic. I try to cope with my health and studies. Days after Eid el Adha, news spread in my home town... my cousins come for a visit and keep asking me: "Is it true Ahmed's asked for your hand?"

I had to deny, coz there still was no official word or even correspondence from him or his family.

Fourth year comes to an end...rumours spreading like fire... and still nothing.

That summer, our phone rings, I answer... it's him. My heart freezes. He asks for my Dad. He's not available. He hangs up... he does not know that it was me... or maybe he knew.

I only saw him twice in my whole life, and I think the same goes for him.

Another day, the phone rings... I answer (yeah, I know, it seems to ring whenever I pass by!) Ahmed's sister asks for me.

Me: Hi it's me.
Her: I'm sure you've been told about this and that... what do you think?
Me (sweating all over): Um... er... oh what can I say.
Her: Listen we didn't want to ask your family coz we wanted to know what you think first. You're the one in question here and your opinion is what we need.

silence...

Her: so...?
Me: Listen... I don't think I'm ready for this...(Yeah, that's what I said...)
Her: Meaning...?
Me: I'm still not sure about getting married
(Like say that to your Granma and she'll blow your head off)

lol

At that moment I felt a lot of pressure on me and I didn't know what to do. The phone call ended at that... surely she thought I was some kinda freak to reply like that. I never knew.

When I told Mom, she almost yelled at me. And I was like... Wha..?

Mom: How can you say something like that?

Ok, that's when the story gets confusing. When I first told my family no one gave me their opinion, good or bad. And that's what killed me. I had to have some kinda basis to my decision making... I had none.

Me: Mom, he's Dad's cousin he's supposed to know about him more than I do. What does he think?

Mom: He hardly knows him

(Ahmed's like 20 or 30 years younger than Dad... so that's probably why... or maybe I don't know)

So, whomever I ask and turn to, give me no direct response to my inquiry... It was all so strange... it was like I was asking for the secret of the universe!

One day, his Dad called mine and it was an official call.

Hearts beating... I was informed and asked to think about it. I prayed Istikharah... and decided to go for it, all the time repeating:

اذا كان في الأمر خير لي فقربه مني واذا كان فيه شر لي فبعده عني

Translation: If this matter is for my own good then let it be, if not, keep it away from me

(not totally literal but bears the meaning)


I agreed. Dad called Ahmed and asked him to arrange a time when he could come to our house to meet me face to face and get to know each other. Circumstances fell between him and that and his job had him all busy.

Word spread around my universe. Some said that I had had a family engagement party. Others started planning what to wear for my wedding... lol ... yeah, talk about being hyper!

I spent most of the summer without sleep. One week a cousin of mine came to stay for a few days, her sole ambition was to prep me up for the wedding (the one that still wasn't planned nor even arranged for) She said: "I am here to make sure you eat well. And you need to start hair treatment and stay out of the sun from now on!" And I was like, why did she make me feel hideous!? lol

Dad booked a chalet by the sea and she came along (my cousin). She refused to let me go out in the sun rofl... I told her I wouldn't go there even if I weren't to be wed... I'd immediately faint if I did so, plus I couldn't go swimming wither.. *sniff sniff*

Days passed... my cousin went back to her home... and there was no sign of him.

By the end of the summer, I had been bombarded with phone calls and inquiries about the wedding date... And I was like, there wasn't an engagement in the first place!
I had grown frustrated and my family started to feel manipulated with. And I totally agreed.

Rumours.

1) He didn't want to proceed with it all coz he felt that I was hesitant from the start.

2) His family didn't want to do anything till the rumours die out and they'd manage things discretely.

3) He had someone else in mind... he was somehow forced into this. Others said, she's the one who was messing with his mind.

4) I'm too picky and no one appeals to me.

5) some hated the idea that I marry before my other two sisters (older than me)

I'm sure there was more, but now, I just don't wanna dig them up.

By that time, I had grown indifferent to the case, and decided to let it slide and get on with my life. I had a career to get on with that year... and I dedicated myself to teaching English as a second language.

He never called, and never came. A few months back, I heard that he was engaged to the one I was told he wanted in the first place, but I never heard of any wedding plans... and I couldn't care less.


Case closed.



**********

Ramadan...Day 20

*Inspired by Questfortherightone and soulseeker


Hello again...

I don't know how I feel these days...

I'm mostly glad because we're in Holy days, and my relationship with Allah is ever so beautiful... Why so sure? Coz I know it is... and that's what I regard as a blessing to know...

And in the midst of what I found myself immersed in the past few days made me ponder, as if I lack the skill to ponder, or as if I haven't had enough already lol

But the thing is, Bloggers seem to be interested in marriage, and what I admire is that they regard it as a quest... highlight to Quest... not just a simple "I Do's" and whatchamacallit... but a real, sincere determination to find the other half.

If you've read my blog (thoroughly speaking) you would obviously know that, same as most of the others I follow around here, I have lived in the west for quite some time... enough to sufficiently clothe my eastern origins with the western mind...with a cherry on top.

* enough to sufficiently..!!?? what the hell was that!!?

Ahem...Moving on...

When I finally came back to my home country, as a full grown teenager, I began to realize my parents' (especially my Mom's) concern about matrimony... perhaps that was the major reason we came back so hastily in the first place... but anyway -_-

If ever there was a time, when I thought I'd be totally going wakco because of this issue... it was when I reached my final year at college.


********

Confessing an Experience # Part 1

The year before that, (year three) I had worked like hell to gain good... excellent grades! With Allah's blessings, I was top student that year...

Most naturally, there are always consequences...

I fell ill, due to my nervousness and lack of rest... that summer, I had a severe nervous break down. And sadly speaking, in terms of medication, I didn't get the best there was... when I was rushed to hospital in the middle of the night, I vividly remember, though in agony, the blank looks on the doctors faces, which apparently suggested "We have no idea what's with her!"

They gave me tranquilizers ever since... and that was the beginning of my nightmares.

Year 4 started, and I was still on prescription drugs... which there was no neccessity for my taking them... it was like hell... they made me sleep almost all day and I was like a limp goose<< ?? >> ahem... and that wasn't really helpful for my studies. I skipped many classes. And whenever I tried to get up I'd fall back. Going places were horror movies... I feared leaving the house, that I might collapse outside or somebody's house and that wouldn't be a merry scene. Like people were already giving me the looks and questioning my health... How would you feel?

I couldn't go out to the shops, sit with guests for a long time, or even enter a discussion, coz that was a lot of effort.

My family thought I was just being a spoiled baby (reminder: I'm the youngest in the girls) ... I was 21 at that time... who would play such a scheme at that age!!??

E77777

Mom insisted that I should be taken to Tunisia, seeing that no medication proved worthy in Libya... (in the meantime all I suffered from was stress... and imagine curing stress with mega stress and medication)So, Honeybun was whisked to Tunisia with her Dad. We stayed for a whole week...during which I lost 5 whole kilograms. I lost my appetite to eat, and only lived on bread and butter for breakfast, and a cup of yoghurt at night... I simply couldn't get myself to eat. And what's worse I cought a cold, coz the weather was cooler there at that time... the beginning of Fall.

One day I fell ill at some friends' house (we knew them ever since we were in Canada and now reside in Tunisia/ now you know why I hate going places? Let alone travelling to another country!!) so they took me to the hospital... it was late at night so no crowd in the emergency room... They put me in a room where the doctor was to see me. I felt terrible.

The doctor came in and sensed the commotion... our friend's wife (I'll call her S )was so worried and Dad and her husband were in the room too... how humiliating -_-" you ain't seen nothing yet.

As I lay there in agony, not knowing what the hell was wrong with me, the Doc came close and leaned over me and said : "Shbeek Honeybun, La bas?" i.e. what seems to be the trouble with you?

The moment he said that... I started crying... T_T... unwillingly... Or maybe I really wanted to... after all that's been going on to me.

Then S approachedand asked the Doc "What's wrong with her?" He backed away and addressed my Dad. "She seems to be bothered by something- wow he's good! *rolling her eyes*- she must have been through a lot of stress."

Dad: "Well, yes. In addition, she's not a very vocal person and doesn't vent all that's inside her...unlike her sisters- oops, confession from my Dad * jk*- and I'm sure life hasn't been the same for her ever since we came back to Libya."

Doc turns to me and says: "Ok, then we'll find her a husband here in Tunisia if she doesn't like Libya."

How...embarrassing...!

Dad and the others laughed... yeah, they had to humor him. If my Dad was the narrow minded men, he'd chop his head off hhhhh

So, the joke over... the Doc sent them out for me to rest a bit. He came back like 10 or 15 minutes later. He leaned over as I had my face covered with my arm.

Doc: "Honeybun, are you in love?"

GASP... the nerve of his!

Gulp! I shook my head...

Doc: "Are you engaged?"

Shook my head again.

Doc: "Then I'll find you a Tunisian husband." and he chuckles.

Idiot... I smiled out of politeness... as Mimi said: just smile and nod.

He was silent for a moment then said: "Ok, I'll talk to your father and ask for your hand."

Gaaak! My eyes flung open...what the...? And when I gave him another polite smile, that totally suggested "Thank you, but forget about it." He looked at me seriously and said: "I'm serious. I'll go and sit with your Dad if you'll have me."

Yikes...!!

I beg of you, pals and gals... what do you make of this?

Honeybun (faintly): "I'm not thinking of marriage now... I'm ill and I still have my final year at school."

Doc: "No, that's no problem. You go back to your country, I'll be there in about six months for the engagement, you graduate and then come with me here. English is highly in demand here at schools so you won't have trouble finding an occupation."

OK...time to breathe in... and out... He totally was thinking ahead... no he actually THOUGHT ahead already! My mind jumped into action.

Honeybun (still maintaining the polite tone): "No, that'll be difficult. We'll be from different backgrounds (trying to find any excuse) and... and I can't leave my family." lol omg I can't believe I said that!

I mean, who was supposed to be soothing who here? I was under the effect of a tranquilizer (oh yeah, they gave me a shot earlier)and at the same time, trying to think in a lucid manner as to how to get away with this...

And as Allah answered my unspoken prayer... the Doc was paged and another emergency case arrived. He looked around then said: "Just think about it." He helped me to my feet as it was time for me to fleeeee.

"Inshallah." Was all I said. Like, in your dreams! Aaaarrggh

And that was the first and last time I ever saw and heard of him...till this very day.

In the car on the way back to the Hotel, S turned to me and said: "Did you hear what the Doc said? He wanted to find you a husband. (she scoffed)"

I smiled and nodded lol and thought "Little do you know, S, that the husband he had in mind was him."

You know, if it were to count... his was the first proposal I ever got in my whole life :P


To be cont...

09/09/09

^_^

Dearly beloved,

We are gathered today, not to witness a couple getting married, nor to dorky about today's date hhhhh but for something more important :)

Today, I announce the launching of my very own website *sniff choke*

Yippeeee!!

I'm so excited about it :D

It's mainly dedicated to all Arab females who have experienced life on another planet ( per se ) lol other than her home country. We shall all be a part of a united community in cyber space to get together, share experience and do many more.

So, I want to start sending out invitation to the lovely ladies I know here, and hope that in turn they'd pass it on to enlarge the circle.

I'm counting on you girls ;)

See you at the site and I hope it appeals to all

http://honeybunzdomain.webs.com/

Till next time ;)

Tag!! You're it!! :D

How are you doing y'all? Almost the last third of Ramadan... you doing your best so far? ;) Inshallah He will acceptc your hard work... Ameen

So... now it's tag time nehahaha!!

I was tagged in a forum to post a pic of what I usually carry in my bag :-S hehe
Not too intimidating... don't panic... so here's my cargo to start with



What d'ya think? ;;) hhhhh

1 anti-bacterial gel
2 iPhone
3 tissue
4 Purse
5 lip pencil (and sometimes lip gloss- depends on the weather... or the mood hehehe)
6 bus ticket
7 pen or pencil
8 lip balm
9 hand cream

OK now it's tag time... and I officially tag: iBeeBarbie, Quest, Random Hijabi and Faith

Can't wait to take a peek :P


Till next time ;)


TAG YOU'RE IT!! to everybody else who reads this XD

Ramadan: Day 9... Engulfed with frustration of surrounding human beings

Ok... Day 9 is here...

Boy! Days do fly... I'm counting the days till the start of my course...
I'm anxious, naturally, but thr main thing is that I will be busy doing something rather thinking about my misfortune with flat mates...

Pooooffff!

Last Saturday, I met with Julia ( my savior and good listener- had she not been married, I woulda asked her to live with me... :(

Ah well... You just don't win them all, do you?

The thing that keeps me within the range of sanity is the fact that we're in a holly month and patience will never pass unrewarded...

So... For the umptieth time... I'm being patient...
Ever heard this in a song?

الصبر ما كيفه دوا لليعه.... كميان سرك خير من تطليعه

Easier said than done... But I always seem to do it the hard way.... *sigh*

Anyway...

Today my landlord called and she asked if I was free for the day... she wanted to invite me for Iftar at her place :) That was really nice of her... but sadly, I politely rejected her invitation... so later in the evening, she rang me and said that her daughter was stopping by... she brought with her some of their Futur for us! *sigh* that was really really nice of her... I felt happy that there are people out there who still care for each other... which made me feel better that even due to my irritating lifestyle, Allah shows me signs of his compassion and blessings...

So, Alhamdulillah

I came across some pretty images of Anime wearing Hijjab, so I wanna share them with you:

















Till next time


;)

A New Day Has Come...

Ramadan... Day 5

Salam to all... I hope your enjoying your time during this Holy month... Don't you just love it?!!


I know... weird how one's mood can swing... and mine surely does I assure you *blushes*

So...since I ain't got a tv in the flat, I resort to watching stuff on the internet... not just videos on YouTube... but series and programs on tv websites such as mbc, dubai ...


I'm definitely not a tv person... but there are stuff that I tend to follow and actors whose work appeal to me... for example, like no girl would know Teim Hassan :) ...yeah he's a cutie... but that's not all, he's so damn talented, so I'm watching Zaman El3ar ... and that's it lol.... like last Ramadan I only watched Sera3 3ala arrimaal ... outstanding piece of art I must say...


Of course I wouldn't leave out my days without enriching myself with my gloreous religion... and to whom other than Amr Khaled do I turn to? I don't know about you guys, but he's got a way in reaching out to people... I for one am entirely grateful to his efforts in simplifying info and loads of stuff about our I slamic teachings and history... I just love him in Allah ... (I actually prayed for a husband like him once upon a time *blushes again*)

It was during my first year at university, I had just came back to Libya and this girl who studied a year ahead of me mentioned him... it's amazing how I clung to the note and directly tuned in to his program that exact night... and man... I was whisked off my feet... and realised how much I had been putting waaaay behind me...


If I would compare myself with who I was ten years back... an amazing shift!

Not that I was ignorant of my religion's teachings or anything... I prayed, fasted, I even went to Umrah more than once while abroad... but there was much amiss... taking into consideration Tasabeeh, morning and evening athkars and so on... I never took those into consideration...

Now I know how to be at peace with myself... and today when I tuned into amrkhaled.net to watch his program, the one I anticipated every Ramadan for the past 8 or 9 years!! Can you imagine? It's great how something good, once learnt, you cannot part with...

My Arabic teacher once told us, that when one gets used to a habit, feels the lack when he stops doing it, and here he was talking about Salat... when you're used to praying each prayer in its exact time... you feel restless once you miss one!!


That's the beauty of living in an Arab country... there are mosques... you could never miss a prayer... no need for a timetable to check... it's there near you telling you eac time 'it's time'


Going back to Amr Khaled's program... so I watched the past few episodes of this Ramadan, and he mentioned something I'm glad to be reminded of... Attawakul التوكل ... and I realised that the small things that are irritating me nowadays are silly things and I'm only wasting energy on them ... let alone not doing anything about it...


A new day has come... a new lesson has been learnt... and that's what makes me content of being reminded and aware...



I would like to give a special thank you to ibeebarbie for her motivation... and my new acquaintance Quest... Barak allahu feekin and may Allah grant you peace, stability and shower you with his blessings...


Salamz


Till next time

Goodbye Shabaan ... Hello Ramadan :)

Hello again,

So far so good... :) and I want to be smiling as I'm typing this... to the great wide void that connects me with people..

It's weird at times when you feel you're all alone when everyone's around you...

I hate that feeling.. and that's not how I want to live... or keep on living this way.... if you guys have any tips on how to cope with a flatmate... please let me know... lol

Anyway... I seem to be on an ongoing search for things that would take my mind away from the daily irritations... I swear I'm doing my best! To the extent that I went to see a movie tonight... desperate huh?



Yup, that's what I went to see *blushes* it wasn't bad... I just had to do something...Not that I wasn't quite busy lately, I've been head-over-heels bustling about in a Libyan Forum, which I think is quite cool... (care to join?)

www.elksad.com ... my user name is Honeybun :D << cute name isn't it? hhhhh

Anyway,in the English section we've arranged a short story contest (if you're interested lol) I'm the head of judges ^_^ which is an honor ...

Bla bla bla... don't wanna keep rambling...

Can you believe it? my studies start in less than 4 weeks!! *shiver whimper* Boy am I glad that's come at last! *sheesh* I can't wait to get it over with... I swear... I think I've had enough of this country... with all due respect... or perhaps it has to with my surroundings.. very ghastly I assure you... add a little "depressing" on top *sigh*

But, as one girl once said "willing to try , willing to learn" so here I am...willing to try and willing to learn no matter what...


Salamz for now...



Till next time :)

Honest Scrap About Me!!

:)

This is really cute. I came across a cool blog and the blogger suggested that whoever comes across her 'honest scrap about me' to do the same and tage others with it. I hope I got it right, so here goes :D

1) I'm the youngest of three girls *baby*-- but i have a brother younger than me...bummer >:( lol

OK...

2) I was a veeery shy and quiet person as a child and growing up ... but in my teens, I got outta control ( don't worry, only at school and with my friends, plus I still have that feminine side in me *batting her eyes*)

3)I love sweets...chocolates, cakes, ice-cream...you name it !

4)I hate loud voices (namely girls with a loud voice- totally unfeminine, don't you agree?)

5)I wore the Hijab when I was eleven :)

6)I collect stickers (esp: Disney characters ;) and any cute stuff)

7)I have to buy postcards from any country I go to, so I have a collection of cards right now :)

8)I used to translate for sick Arab people back in Switzerland (go with them to appointments and be there after surgery...etc) - I loved it!

9)I'm very good with kids (esp: babies- not the ones that cry all the time :D)

10)Hmmm... I was there when my grandfather ( my Dad's Dad ) died, I was 13.

There... I feel better now lol...

Your turn :D

July The Sly

Hi again, all good?

I love writing...I really do! Why I'm not regularly writing here? I ain't got no idea... :( it's making me sad...so I'll write :D

Ok... (deep breath)

Last June (I hope I didn't mention this before) My friend Julia came back from a two weeks' holiday... you can't imagine how happy I was that she was back !! Cos I was going crazy without someone to talk and meet with from time to time. So, we met in a café, and that's where she told me that she wasn't back on her own... and I was like "Of course, you're husband came with you", she said, "No, my husband had to stay for a while..." it took me a few seconds to get it... yes, she was pregnant!! :) aw wow! That really made my day. It was funny how we started talking about preparations and potential names...etc etc....lol so funny. I also told her that it was true what people say, that pregnancy adds beauty to a woman... :")

We had really hot weather...something which I never expected here in the UK lol... I mean it got really hot in Switzerland and other european countries, but since it was always said that it rained and so on here...I never thought it to be boiling! :P So I went on a two nights' trip to London... People, that city is amazing... Fabuloso! Yeah, I went for a cup o' tea with Her Highness... hehe. She asked me to stay for lunch, but I told her I had a tight schedule...sorry, no can do ;)

It was a blast! I visited most of the monuments. What I loved most was the wax museum... cool stuff! But I really hated going on the London Eye....cos it made me really dizzy @_@.... lol

I went to see Edgeware Road, the road which they call "The Arab Road" ...yup, and Arab Road it is. Arabs everywhere! Reminded me of Geneva :) Arabic music, Arabic cuisine, Arabic faces :P I had dinner at Maroush (Lebanese cuisine restaurant). What I hated there was this weird waitress who didn't seem to want to leave our table... she literaly stood there watching me and my companions!! I couldn't even swallow my food!! Sheesh! and whenever we emptied a plate or glass, she would come and sweep it away... man... talk about Good service :P

But it was great anyways, and I'd love to go there again :) Maybe when my folks come :D woohoo!

July 15th

That was the premier of Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince... the much anticipated film of the year (at least for me) and we had to go to Bradford to see it on IMAX 3D Cinema. IMAX was an amazing experience and it's really a must do and see, not just for this movie.

The first 20 minutes were in 3D... I don't know why, but I assumed that since the movie is almost three hours, it would be bad for the eyes? (lol, just assuming here)
So, here's for Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince :-*



Before yesterday, Julia sat for her IELTS test, which she found tremendously irritating, and what's more, her mother-in-law was to fly in the following day (yes, she's a pain the ...) anyway, so I called her and suggested we go to see a movie just to relax her nerves lol... she immediately agreed and we went to see The Proposal, which we decided to see ever since we saw the trailer at Ice Age 3 lol (cinema-holics here) It was a lovely film. Funny too (naturally, I mean Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds? ;) )



Seeing that in the movie she came from Canada really reminded me of the country...

Which makes me wonder, did I tell you guys I was born there? well, there you go. I was born in Quebec, Canada... mid winter... snow... heaps of it :P That's why I'm a Saggittarius...but you know that :-j hehe

So...there's almost a month and a half to the beginning of my studies... not nervous here :-S ... Ok, maybe a little... who am I kidding? lol I've been going to the library alot lately, getting books and doing some reading...it's been great :)

Wow and Ramadan is less than a month away... *sigh* it all seems like yesterday, doesn't it?

So take care and wish you all well in your lives :)


Till next time ;)

Mid-Summer Time blogging

At first, when you read the title, one would think "Yay this is gonna be a delight to read!" Allow me to turn you down flat... it's not. Well, sorta...kinda...

Anyway.

Hmmm April's a long way back, isn't it? So, my course FINALLY finished a couple of weeks ago, and by the end of it, I had reached the last straw... or however they say it.

Someone I know said to me about a week ago, "Hey, why not start a blog? You're into writing, surely that would be good practise!" and I was like, "Oh, I'll think about it." :D No one knows I have a blog. A blog to me is like a secret diary, the one you'd kill for if rumaged through!! Which makes me think, "What the point in having a blog, if all those reading it don't know you, and will probably not be able to feel for you... in some way"

That's so sad.... and to be honest, that's one reason that puts me off posting here at times... most of the time, per say.

I know it's nice being abroad and seeing and doing all the nice cool stuff you can't back home... but I came to realize how different people are all of a sudden... they would never understand our mentality, and nor we theirs. Back in time, I never thought about how others understood me, or how I expressed myself; and when I came back to Libya, knowing that it might be for good, I just gave it all I got and learned to adjust.

I love the sand and I miss it. I miss the sunset... there's no sunset like in Libya. The beautiful fluffy clouds in winter, the heavy rain at night... and the lights going out (lol) don't you just love running around in the dark looking for candles?)

Recently, I've had a severe rush of what I call the "7ala"... Perhaps if I put it in other words, it might be under-defined, so I'll leave you to your own interpretations.
I hate the fact that I bottle up things inside me. A Spanish colleague once told me with a flushed face (dunno if it was an embarassed or angry flush) "You're so polite!" and I was like, "Is that bad?" then he said, "You can't even say to people that they're wrong when they're wrong!"

When I told a friend of mine about the incident, she gave me one of her wise nods and said "He's right, I've noticed that you're trying your best to please others when the one you should be pleasing is yourself" here she meant I needed to give myself a break for a change. People who know me, know the quiet calm me... they don't like the me that answers back or discusses her point of view if it opposes theirs. Now isn't that mean?! I knew that the best way to work that out was to maintain the attitude and stand my ground... apparently, some people resent me now because I'm not the cute sweet lass that shies away when addressed.

That's so sad...

I should be sleeping now, but, there were nights nowadays that I had to sit upright in bed to let my tears run down easily. And I'm tired of not letting it out. I need to. Even if it meant to let it out in this cosmic void of cyber world (ok, that didn't make sense) I don't trust people, when people trust me... isn't that ironic? what horrible emptiness that is.

Why should one be condemned to others' judgments? Why is it my verbalising is not wanted, and, funny as it is, my writing is not wanted too? Member in my vast family give me blank expressions when I tell them I'm majoring in Creative Writing. You can almost hear their thoughts "Why don't you just get married and start a family instead?!" lol I dunno... maybe they're right. And maybe I'm right.

I wish there'd be a balance so that both would be equally right and easily achieved hehe. Personally, I think taking a risk in plunging into the scholastic world is quite safer than comitting to a life with a guy (no offense to men here, just meant marriage :D )But! I, with care, would like to mention that it is awkwardly unreasonable anymore to trust guys. I'm sorry again, it's just a touchy topic to me... and amazingly detains my flow of thoughts.

Shall I go to sleep now? yes. Did I say all there is to say? of course not! da! Everybody's a never ending story... poor cyber space, has to put up with all the people around the world and their mishaps and their never ending stories...OMG there I am doing again! I bet the web is flushing with rage now...

Good night

Till Next Time

It's amazing...

It's amazing how much one can do in one week! What's more amazing is when you're blessed with great friends that know how to hang out and make the best of a holiday.

Yesterday afternoon, we went to the movies. 17 again. It was just great fun! It's amazing how going to the movies makes me feel when it's over. I feel so heady and dazed, so absorbed by the world I've been to and that world just doesn't seem to fade away quite easily...lol



The day before, we went by train to York.It was quite interesting. Small, old and cosy, it reminded me a lot of Luzern, Switzerland. We toured the city in six hours lol well, at least the main sights there is to see. We started by visiting the Garden Museum- yeah, that's what they call it :P

















Today, I went to the hairdressers, and had to get up at 8am :(( boohoo! I had to curse myself, what was I thinking agreeing to an early appointment! sniff sniff

But, as we say, whoever wants the rose bears the thorns, ay? and it was an amazing result, I must say :) and I'm happy about it.

So, not I'm stuck with an amazing headache, cos I hadn't slept well, and I couldn't go out and enjoy the 'sudden' sunny weather!

*sigh*


Till next time...

Easter... Happy Easter?! #_#

Okay, with all due respect people.

Easter is one of the prettiest times and occassions throughout the year, including the sparkling wonders of christmas with its snowy white cloths. You tend to see balloons decorating the area around you: boutiques, malls, supermarkets. Colorful eggs and yummy looking chocolate of all shapes and sizes!! :)

Mental brakes!! I was rather apauled to see many muslims online sending easter greetings to each other?! Hello? Do you guys know what it's all about? I mean, yes it's lovely and all, but this is not for us to celebrate. Like those who would actually buy a christmas tree and start ornamenting it, finishing it with an angel on top! (flexing my fingers here)I know some would say, 'Hey, it's only for the fun of it!', well, I wouldn't let myself be lead on by that!! >:(

I was born in December. And in Canada, christmas is so massive you're eyes would unconsciously tear. Whenever I'm in a western country during that period, I feel some kind of longing and connection, not spiritual or anything, but that of good warm memories. When I came back to Libya, winter was not winter without snow and christmas trees in the streets and light bulbs everywhere. My heart ached whenever I saw such things on tv, and I secretly thank Allah that I'm not obsessed with it beyond my beliefs.

Today, as it was sunny early in the afternoon- with the prediction of fog later on- I took the chance of slipping downtown and treated myself to an easter chocolate bunny :) Lindt (swiss...so I won't feel lonely :P) with a tiny bell tied to its neck, and instead of ordering a hot chocolate with it, I had chamomile! lol ..I know, I do the oddest of things at times.



Till next time :)

An Uplifting Touch...

Bolton Abbey/ Leeds... Sunday April 5th

Wow..it was a great day! I never thought I'd get the opertunity to see such places. I was amazingly reminded of 'Sense and Sensibility'...you know, Jane Austen? lol jk
Well, here are some of the spectacular views I got with 'me' cam ;P
















I hope you liked them...sorry they're too many of em... I still got more AARRGGHH lol

Till next time :)