Saturday, October 2, 2010

A Moment to Exhale...

What's the best way to start a post?

It's like the same question that pops into one's head when starting to write a piece of composition. Where to start. What to write.

With me, now, it's how to write it. The feelings. The desires. The dreams. What make me go on from day to day. Sometimes I feel that the course I've studied didn't do me any favors. When I write something, I get the constant critiquing pins inside me that don't allow me to use clichés... I mean, come on, it's not like my stuff is getting published or anything! But that's what you get when you learn about something for real... the right way.

But I'm thankful nevertheless. Alhamdulillah.

So, how to deal with this situation?

Bleh... -___-" 

Now, what I really want... is a moment to exhale. To find me again. I have no moment alone. Or maybe I'm not allowing myself such moments.

I need to do stuff again... 

Maybe if I take care of myself once again, maybe then... I'll feel better again.

Perhaps I'm feeling this way cos I just finished my course when I was so immersed in it? And now I'm scared of emptiness... of not being busy? of thinking?

I'm basically not the negative thinking person... I guess I'm in constant fear of the outside world affecting me. Of going back to that point in time, the darkness and loneliness.


It's not the winter blues. I don't get them. I like winter... ooops I'm contradicting myself now lol
I think I mentioned before that I changed my mind about winter... that from now on I'm a summer person. ^//////^

Oh, I dunno...

I just vowed to keep myself busy ever since the dark days... those dark days...

May Allah help me and grant me assistance from whoever... a helping hand can take you a looooong way.

And I'm grateful...

Till next time,

Sparkle xxx

1 comment:

ibeebarbie said...

Salam Sweetie,

Moments of exhaling are amazing moments. Allow yourself. Know that the darkness can no longer haunt you as you now know you have a concious choice to let it haunt you or not. Once we have knowledge on something, we then decide how we will or won't respond to it. You are free from the darkness as you've walked away from those days. Kudos to you----enjoy the exhaling moments you give yourself.