Saturday, January 30, 2010
When You Need Something...
...except you're not quite sure what it is... can lead you to a harsh state of mind.
So, you've grown up, all the foolishness cast aside, maturity easing its way into your life... and you find yourself saying: "This is is! This is the time of my life when I can solve everything on my own, and nothing should worry me."
Yes. As a grown up, you do get priveliges that many youngsters do not possess... and mainly it's the fact that you get to decide for your own...
Does everything depend on your final decision? Is that what pushes our lives forward?
I don't know if I'm making any sense so far... I have nothing in mind to talk about... but I'll just ramble on and see where I get to... as usual.
Ever listened to a song lately... and started crying... just like that?
It's been happening to me now for like, the past two years...and by songs I mean the sad, slow romantic ones.
I've come to realize that this would happen to you mainly because you miss someone... even if that someone hurt you... you just miss him.
Once you've been together almost all the time, and once you were used to him being in your life... yeah, it's true when they say love hurts.
You're never careful enough, and you're never the wiser... it just hits you. And it's hit me once upon a time for real three years ago... throwing me off my feet to the highest clouds, and I thought- actually I didn't- I'd never find the ground. I just wanted to be up there. To stay there.
I didn't see the ground... it was all white and fluffy I barely saw my feet.
Till I suddenly collided with the harsh reality of earth... life.
It had barely been a year.
And when you're hurt... that's when you know what a fool you've been. Stupid. At this time of age... how could you allow this to happen to you? How could you let someone hurt you? How could you give them access to doing that?!!
But you realize that these things happen.. no matter how careful and precautious you've been... c'est la vie, n'est pas?
I can't forget...although I'm out of love... I just can't.
You know when you've given your all to something? That's how it was... and it was aparently undeserving...
I hate the fact that I feel alone, and I'm trying my best to fill my life with people who care about me.. busy myself. But I found out that I was trying hard that it's making me tired.
As I said before... there's nothing wrong in allowing yourself to be sad from time to time... you can get over something without letting go of it ... in it's own timing. Sometimes you just can't force things to vanish from your life...
It's horrible to walk around with all the people passing you by... no connection ... no warmth... no nothing. And I think of those who've been living like this for ages; no family, no friends, no containment whatsoever... how cold that is.
Words are my only strength... and by that I mean the written form. I've had a difficult holiday, during which I've prayed for patience for like, a hundred times per day, everyday.
And it continues... and I pray...
Till next time