Saturday, March 27, 2010

When I Know Myself...

...and I'm truly positive of what I want in life.... something which I've been aqcuainted with pretty recently in my life, nothing can cast my sails in a different direction. It's just the path that I've chosen. The decided one. And the one that's final.

I'm talking about love.

When I was a teenager I had a crush on this guy at school. I think I liked him cos he was the only good looking one... in comparison with the others, per se.

It was a small school and I guess that says it all.

And that was my first love... or perhaps that's what I believed.

When you grow older and see things in life, you start looking at it from a different perspective... and I'm here to... to just spill things out rather than just bottle them up. To the new comers who've tuned into my channel, I ain't a vocal type of person, and writing is my biggest relief in the, Thank God for that.

I came across a guy online... and I thought I was ready for it. No, I knew I was ready for it! And I got myself head over heels in a distance relationship.

It was perfect.

And that's what I dearly didn't know for sure about... back then.

Long story short, it had a tragic ending and I had to pull the plug to save myself some respect and dignity.

The gap that followed was almost a year and a half and neither of us knew anything about the other. I had deleted him from my life, and my messenger contact list.

Apparently, he didn't.

It was only a few days ago that he popped out in front of me -not physically- and started asking whether I had a place in me for him.

My answer was strictly no.

I had done my thinking... I had found closure... I have found peace with myself and the life that I'm leading so far... therefore, I said no.

You know, when a guy is simply clueless in life, or in dealing with other people, then he's a straight A loser.

Yes, there are people who find it hard socializing with others and I'm fully aware of that case... but the case in hand here, is that he just never worked on it.

I had given him a second chance before, but another one would be utterly ridiculous!

To be cont...


SoulSeek said...

Insha'Allah your time will come. However, we've all got to play our part in doing what we must. Don't be afraid or shy about finding out about someone.

Come on! You're at Uni - go network! It's the best place to be!

I recently wrote a post on this and in a nutshell I said lets not be amongst those that live to regret. Regrets hurt.

p.s do you watch bleach?!

Effervescent said...

I understant that feeling. When you get into it so fast, youthink everything is the way uve always wanted it and then something happens and you cant/dont want to live your life with that person and move on. And once youve moved on they pop up again. Im going through the same thing right now, everytime I have my focus on Myself My life My dreams, he comes back, but if you know it is not right then its good to keep yourself distant and not get back into it. I dont know the context of your situation so I hope I still made sense lol. I hope all is well :)

Sparkling Motivation said...

@ Soul: My next step is to figure out what is it he wants exactly, without risking being too ... available (??)

I know Uni is great, but...and there always has to be a BUT hehe

Regret is not in my dictionary... the only equivalent word for that is "Learning from what happened" :)

Thanks for the support ^_^

@ Effer: It's good to know that somebody somewhere's been through this and would feel sympathetic -__- ... I sure need to find out for real and see what I'll feel about it... Thanks for passing by and for the support! ^_^ v

Sparkling Motivation said...

And no Soul I don't watch Bleach :P I just got it from Google ^_^ hhhhh