Friday, September 11, 2009
Ramadan... Day 21
"When your serenity is through..."
Hello again my good people
The weather was fine today. I had to fax some papers back home so I went out with my brother. I met with Julia later on, and was glad that she wanted to look for an outfit, cos I was particularly aimless as to where I wanted to go.
This part of my sequel focuses on how many of us males or females could be led nowhere on the road to marriage if not directed to the right way. This can be by taking your hand, giving you a word of wisdom... helping by any means. There are times when even the wisest fail to assist others... and that's where the real loss is... and exactly what happened to me once upon a time. I'm glad to have been blessed to share this with others here... lest my experience be of any use to anyone out there.
Note: perhaps this part might not be clear or its morals hidden... but I had no other way of telling it, and this is how it went
Confessing an Experience # Part 2
Year four commenced and I was in a hell of a condition.
There was the fear of going out, the fear of seeing people and them seeing me. It was like: "GASP! Sparkle you look terrible!" etc
I was pale and thin... and felt that every gust of wind would blow me away.
One day, I get a message from my Dad's cousin and she asked me to contact her as soon as possible. I called her...
Her: I know we've never been engaged in serious conversation before, or even know each other well, but I have a question for you.
Her: Do you find yourself ready to for marriage?
*crash clunk boing*
Me (after collecting myself): urm...I... ah... I dunno...
Her (barely waiting for my response): Surely you want to know who it is, right?
Her: It's Ahmed (another cousin of my Dad's) and he wants to know what do you think?
We talked a little but a short while later, someone came in and I had to cut it short, telling her that I'd first have to inform my family and see what will happen.
At first, I said that to buy time... coz I didn't know what to answer her, and the only logic response I've grown aware of was: "I need to discuss this with my family first." They say that's how a girl would show her self-esteem. If she gave her response immediately, then she's regarded as 'too obvious' and can't wait to get married! Ok, I don't wanna dwell on that any further.
My mom wasn't at home. She was in our home town which was two hours' drive from the town where we lived, coz my Grandad was very ill... I couldn't tell my Dad, naturally.
Days pass and I inform her. I get no real reaction generally, but I let it slide as I didn't know whether this was going to take place anyway.
A few months pass and we hear nothing of the topic. I try to cope with my health and studies. Days after Eid el Adha, news spread in my home town... my cousins come for a visit and keep asking me: "Is it true Ahmed's asked for your hand?"
I had to deny, coz there still was no official word or even correspondence from him or his family.
Fourth year comes to an end...rumours spreading like fire... and still nothing.
That summer, our phone rings, I answer... it's him. My heart freezes. He asks for my Dad. He's not available. He hangs up... he does not know that it was me... or maybe he knew.
I only saw him twice in my whole life, and I think the same goes for him.
Another day, the phone rings... I answer (yeah, I know, it seems to ring whenever I pass by!) Ahmed's sister asks for me.
Me: Hi it's me.
Her: I'm sure you've been told about this and that... what do you think?
Me (sweating all over): Um... er... oh what can I say.
Her: Listen we didn't want to ask your family coz we wanted to know what you think first. You're the one in question here and your opinion is what we need.
Me: Listen... I don't think I'm ready for this...(Yeah, that's what I said...)
Me: I'm still not sure about getting married
(Like say that to your Granma and she'll blow your head off)
At that moment I felt a lot of pressure on me and I didn't know what to do. The phone call ended at that... surely she thought I was some kinda freak to reply like that. I never knew.
When I told Mom, she almost yelled at me. And I was like... Wha..?
Mom: How can you say something like that?
Ok, that's when the story gets confusing. When I first told my family no one gave me their opinion, good or bad. And that's what killed me. I had to have some kinda basis to my decision making... I had none.
Me: Mom, he's Dad's cousin he's supposed to know about him more than I do. What does he think?
Mom: He hardly knows him
(Ahmed's like 20 or 30 years younger than Dad... so that's probably why... or maybe I don't know)
So, whomever I ask and turn to, give me no direct response to my inquiry... It was all so strange... it was like I was asking for the secret of the universe!
One day, his Dad called mine and it was an official call.
Hearts beating... I was informed and asked to think about it. I prayed Istikharah... and decided to go for it, all the time repeating:
اذا كان في الأمر خير لي فقربه مني واذا كان فيه شر لي فبعده عني
Translation: If this matter is for my own good then let it be, if not, keep it away from me
(not totally literal but bears the meaning)
I agreed. Dad called Ahmed and asked him to arrange a time when he could come to our house to meet me face to face and get to know each other. Circumstances fell between him and that and his job had him all busy.
Word spread around my universe. Some said that I had had a family engagement party. Others started planning what to wear for my wedding... lol ... yeah, talk about being hyper!
I spent most of the summer without sleep. One week a cousin of mine came to stay for a few days, her sole ambition was to prep me up for the wedding (the one that still wasn't planned nor even arranged for) She said: "I am here to make sure you eat well. And you need to start hair treatment and stay out of the sun from now on!" And I was like, why did she make me feel hideous!? lol
Dad booked a chalet by the sea and she came along (my cousin). She refused to let me go out in the sun rofl... I told her I wouldn't go there even if I weren't to be wed... I'd immediately faint if I did so, plus I couldn't go swimming wither.. *sniff sniff*
Days passed... my cousin went back to her home... and there was no sign of him.
By the end of the summer, I had been bombarded with phone calls and inquiries about the wedding date... And I was like, there wasn't an engagement in the first place!
I had grown frustrated and my family started to feel manipulated with. And I totally agreed.
1) He didn't want to proceed with it all coz he felt that I was hesitant from the start.
2) His family didn't want to do anything till the rumours die out and they'd manage things discretely.
3) He had someone else in mind... he was somehow forced into this. Others said, she's the one who was messing with his mind.
4) I'm too picky and no one appeals to me.
5) some hated the idea that I marry before my other two sisters (older than me)
I'm sure there was more, but now, I just don't wanna dig them up.
By that time, I had grown indifferent to the case, and decided to let it slide and get on with my life. I had a career to get on with that year... and I dedicated myself to teaching English as a second language.
He never called, and never came. A few months back, I heard that he was engaged to the one I was told he wanted in the first place, but I never heard of any wedding plans... and I couldn't care less.