*Inspired by Questfortherightone and soulseeker
I don't know how I feel these days...
I'm mostly glad because we're in Holy days, and my relationship with Allah is ever so beautiful... Why so sure? Coz I know it is... and that's what I regard as a blessing to know...
And in the midst of what I found myself immersed in the past few days made me ponder, as if I lack the skill to ponder, or as if I haven't had enough already lol
But the thing is, Bloggers seem to be interested in marriage, and what I admire is that they regard it as a quest... highlight to Quest... not just a simple "I Do's" and whatchamacallit... but a real, sincere determination to find the other half.
If you've read my blog (thoroughly speaking) you would obviously know that, same as most of the others I follow around here, I have lived in the west for quite some time... enough to sufficiently clothe my eastern origins with the western mind...with a cherry on top.
* enough to sufficiently..!!?? what the hell was that!!?
When I finally came back to my home country, as a full grown teenager, I began to realize my parents' (especially my Mom's) concern about matrimony... perhaps that was the major reason we came back so hastily in the first place... but anyway -_-
If ever there was a time, when I thought I'd be totally going wakco because of this issue... it was when I reached my final year at college.
Confessing an Experience # Part 1
The year before that, (year three) I had worked like hell to gain good... excellent grades! With Allah's blessings, I was top student that year...
Most naturally, there are always consequences...
I fell ill, due to my nervousness and lack of rest... that summer, I had a severe nervous break down. And sadly speaking, in terms of medication, I didn't get the best there was... when I was rushed to hospital in the middle of the night, I vividly remember, though in agony, the blank looks on the doctors faces, which apparently suggested "We have no idea what's with her!"
They gave me tranquilizers ever since... and that was the beginning of my nightmares.
Year 4 started, and I was still on prescription drugs... which there was no neccessity for my taking them... it was like hell... they made me sleep almost all day and I was like a limp goose<< ?? >> ahem... and that wasn't really helpful for my studies. I skipped many classes. And whenever I tried to get up I'd fall back. Going places were horror movies... I feared leaving the house, that I might collapse outside or somebody's house and that wouldn't be a merry scene. Like people were already giving me the looks and questioning my health... How would you feel?
I couldn't go out to the shops, sit with guests for a long time, or even enter a discussion, coz that was a lot of effort.
My family thought I was just being a spoiled baby (reminder: I'm the youngest in the girls) ... I was 21 at that time... who would play such a scheme at that age!!??
Mom insisted that I should be taken to Tunisia, seeing that no medication proved worthy in Libya... (in the meantime all I suffered from was stress... and imagine curing stress with mega stress and medication)So, Honeybun was whisked to Tunisia with her Dad. We stayed for a whole week...during which I lost 5 whole kilograms. I lost my appetite to eat, and only lived on bread and butter for breakfast, and a cup of yoghurt at night... I simply couldn't get myself to eat. And what's worse I cought a cold, coz the weather was cooler there at that time... the beginning of Fall.
One day I fell ill at some friends' house (we knew them ever since we were in Canada and now reside in Tunisia/ now you know why I hate going places? Let alone travelling to another country!!) so they took me to the hospital... it was late at night so no crowd in the emergency room... They put me in a room where the doctor was to see me. I felt terrible.
The doctor came in and sensed the commotion... our friend's wife (I'll call her S )was so worried and Dad and her husband were in the room too... how humiliating -_-" you ain't seen nothing yet.
As I lay there in agony, not knowing what the hell was wrong with me, the Doc came close and leaned over me and said : "Shbeek Honeybun, La bas?" i.e. what seems to be the trouble with you?
The moment he said that... I started crying... T_T... unwillingly... Or maybe I really wanted to... after all that's been going on to me.
Then S approachedand asked the Doc "What's wrong with her?" He backed away and addressed my Dad. "She seems to be bothered by something- wow he's good! *rolling her eyes*- she must have been through a lot of stress."
Dad: "Well, yes. In addition, she's not a very vocal person and doesn't vent all that's inside her...unlike her sisters- oops, confession from my Dad * jk*- and I'm sure life hasn't been the same for her ever since we came back to Libya."
Doc turns to me and says: "Ok, then we'll find her a husband here in Tunisia if she doesn't like Libya."
Dad and the others laughed... yeah, they had to humor him. If my Dad was the narrow minded men, he'd chop his head off hhhhh
So, the joke over... the Doc sent them out for me to rest a bit. He came back like 10 or 15 minutes later. He leaned over as I had my face covered with my arm.
Doc: "Honeybun, are you in love?"
GASP... the nerve of his!
Gulp! I shook my head...
Doc: "Are you engaged?"
Shook my head again.
Doc: "Then I'll find you a Tunisian husband." and he chuckles.
Idiot... I smiled out of politeness... as Mimi said: just smile and nod.
He was silent for a moment then said: "Ok, I'll talk to your father and ask for your hand."
Gaaak! My eyes flung open...what the...? And when I gave him another polite smile, that totally suggested "Thank you, but forget about it." He looked at me seriously and said: "I'm serious. I'll go and sit with your Dad if you'll have me."
I beg of you, pals and gals... what do you make of this?
Honeybun (faintly): "I'm not thinking of marriage now... I'm ill and I still have my final year at school."
Doc: "No, that's no problem. You go back to your country, I'll be there in about six months for the engagement, you graduate and then come with me here. English is highly in demand here at schools so you won't have trouble finding an occupation."
OK...time to breathe in... and out... He totally was thinking ahead... no he actually THOUGHT ahead already! My mind jumped into action.
Honeybun (still maintaining the polite tone): "No, that'll be difficult. We'll be from different backgrounds (trying to find any excuse) and... and I can't leave my family." lol omg I can't believe I said that!
I mean, who was supposed to be soothing who here? I was under the effect of a tranquilizer (oh yeah, they gave me a shot earlier)and at the same time, trying to think in a lucid manner as to how to get away with this...
And as Allah answered my unspoken prayer... the Doc was paged and another emergency case arrived. He looked around then said: "Just think about it." He helped me to my feet as it was time for me to fleeeee.
"Inshallah." Was all I said. Like, in your dreams! Aaaarrggh
And that was the first and last time I ever saw and heard of him...till this very day.
In the car on the way back to the Hotel, S turned to me and said: "Did you hear what the Doc said? He wanted to find you a husband. (she scoffed)"
I smiled and nodded lol and thought "Little do you know, S, that the husband he had in mind was him."
You know, if it were to count... his was the first proposal I ever got in my whole life :P
To be cont...